You bitter triplet moms her pregnancy IS about me.

I mean I am the Grandma damn it! I made him so she wouldn't even be pregnant if it wasn't for ME!!! Why aren't you guys gushing over me???


Subject: "I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help" Previous topic | Next topic

Grammatobe Sat Jul-23-11 02:26 PM
Member since Jul 11th 2011
20 posts

#484933, "I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"


My son and DIL hit the 19 week mark - as I have posted on other threads one sac has very little fluid in it. I do get once a week calls after their doc visits. I am 3.5 hours from them.

As a mother I want to talk to my son more often and hear his voice. I know how hard this is on him and even tho he's a grown man and soon to be a father, my mothering instincts want to nurture him.

He doesn't answer most of my calls or return messages and I was told today that I am starting to "bug" him.

This may sound selfish and very well could be, but the high risk pregnancy and the worry about how my son and DIL are is causing me emotional distress as it is other family members, but as a mom... I think more so.

How do I take care of my emotions and leave the parents to be to their own unless they ask more of me? Waiting 7 days to get an update is so hard and not being able to just say "hey, how are you today" is hard but it seems its too hard for my son to do more than that due to the daily life and then the stress of high risk pregnancy and preparing for 3 babies and all that goes with multiples and early delivery.

Can someone help me, even if its a kick in the rear end? Other parents of multiples, please share.. grandparents that may have experienced similar?

Thank you.

Grammatobe




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Replies to this topic

RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, anxiousabuela, Jul 23rd 2011, #1
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, kimmee83, Jul 23rd 2011, #2
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, lovemy5boys, Jul 23rd 2011, #3
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, scorrin5, Jul 23rd 2011, #4
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Celesta, Jul 23rd 2011, #5
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, smalltott, Jul 23rd 2011, #6
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, LolasLadies, Jul 23rd 2011, #7
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, 6 times blessed, Jul 23rd 2011, #8
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Grammatobe, Jul 23rd 2011, #9
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, triplicates, Jul 23rd 2011, #10
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, LolasLadies, Jul 23rd 2011, #11
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Megan Welfare, Jul 23rd 2011, #15
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Celesta, Jul 23rd 2011, #13
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Megan Welfare, Jul 23rd 2011, #14
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, julie123, Jul 24th 2011, #24
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Megan Welfare, Jul 23rd 2011, #12
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Grammatobe, Jul 24th 2011, #16
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, sandsstone, Jul 24th 2011, #17
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, scorrin5, Jul 24th 2011, #18
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Kealoha12, Jul 24th 2011, #19
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Celesta, Jul 24th 2011, #20
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Grammatobe, Jul 24th 2011, #22
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Celesta, Jul 24th 2011, #27
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Megan Welfare, Jul 24th 2011, #21
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Grammatobe, Jul 24th 2011, #25
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Megan Welfare, Jul 24th 2011, #28
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, julie123, Jul 24th 2011, #23
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Grammatobe, Jul 24th 2011, #26
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, loved3makes5, Jul 24th 2011, #30
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Grammatobe, Jul 24th 2011, #33
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Celesta, Jul 24th 2011, #35
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, Grammatobe, Jul 24th 2011, #29
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, julie123, Jul 24th 2011, #32
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, sandsstone, Jul 24th 2011, #31
RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help, asmaio, Jul 24th 2011, #34



anxiousabuela Sat Jul-23-11 02:43 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
800 posts

#484934, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0


My son is much less communicative than my DD's. Must be a guy thing! Please back off. If you do not, your relationship is at risk. Hopefully, in the next few months, they will welcome your help, but you don't want to put strain on your relationship now. Your DS and DIL are under a lot of stress, especially with Baby A's fluid issues, and the less stress they experience from family, the better.

I know how hard it is. I do know how worried you are. I also had to come to the place where I realized that my DD was very capable and that it was their family. The babies were theirs. The pregnancy was hers. I made myself available and fortunately, I did live close enough where I could be of more help physically. When she was hospitalized, I would have loved to have spent more time there but my SIL and I worked out a system and I honored his time with her because that was important and I didn't want to intrude.

Again, perhaps focusing on some practical things like making frozen meals, going up for a Saturday and doing some cleaning (if they approve), etc. As a parent, I really do encourage you to honor their boundries. I think, if you do, you will find them to be much more willing to share. I am thinking about you and praying for baby 'A'.



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kimmee83 Sat Jul-23-11 03:04 PM
Member since Jun 07th 2011
10 posts

#484935, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0


You're definitely walking a fine line. From the outside I can say that you're clearly a worried and supportive grandmother and want to be there in whatever way you can for your son and DIL. I know they appreciate your concern, even if they don't say it, but the stress of the situation is probably too much to talk about most of the time.

While DH and I struggled with infertility and faced loss after loss, it was incredibly difficult to talk to my mom (or anyone) about, which is why we kept it very close to ourselves. I didn't even open up to my mom until after the first year into it because I just didn't want to explain anything. Once it came out my mom would call and ask questions (there was an ocean between us so she really was out of the loop), and while I appreciated her concern it was too overwhelming at times. I wanted to deal with it between me and DH, and when I was ready to reach out to her I would. She also didn't understand what we were going through, and unless someone has been in that situation, it's impossible to completely empathize despite one's best efforts. It's hard enough living it daily and struggling to come to terms with your own reality, and then giving updates and reliving each moment is emotionally draining.

Your mothering instincts are to protect him and his husband and fathering instincts are to protect his wife and unborn children. I'm sure it's more challenging since your son isn't the one who's pregnant, kwim? They'll reach out to you when they're ready, but the harder you push the more likely they'll resist and say things like you're "bugging" him, which nobody wants to hear especially when your heart is in the best place. You are not selfish in worrying about their well-being, and there really is no right answer here. If one of my children was going through something and I wasn't being kept abreast of the situation I'd drive myself nuts.

You mentioned a hope chest and I think that's a great idea: it will give you something to focus on and be a way to stay connected to them and the babies. What about keeping a journal? I find that writing down my fears, anxieties and problems help me work through them when there isn't anyone else.

I am truly so sorry that your family is going through this and I will continue following for updates.

~Kimberlee~
Expecting GBG Triplets Fall 2011




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lovemy5boys Sat Jul-23-11 03:44 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1797 posts

#484936, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0
Sat Jul-23-11 03:47 PM by lovemy5boys

how about just texting him. That way there's no chit-chat that he may be getting tired of. Just info, straight to the point. A few sentences and you're satisfied. Your DIL is your son's 1st priority now. Sad, but that's just how it works. If you bug them too much you run the risk of your DIL getting annoyed and that's not what you want! I always worry about situations like this since I have 5 boys. They are young and I have many years until I get where you are but I often wonder if I'm going to have to kiss major butt to be a part of my sons' lives when they have their own family. When men get married, the woman usually has say in who watches the kiddos!

proud mom to
DS 9
DS 6
BBB 9/29/06 born @ 32w2d




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scorrin5 Sat Jul-23-11 06:05 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
508 posts

#484938, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0


I haven't read the other responses but wanted to remind you to call and see how your son is doing...just him. This may sound a bit selfish and while I appreciated the calls to see how the pregnancy was going, sometimes I felt as if people forgot that I was more than just a vessel carrying 3 babies.

Make small talk to your son and try not to hound about the pregnancy. From your previous posts it sounds as if your DIL is in good hands and sometimes there is nothing else to be done other than waiting and watching. If your son wants to offer up information about the pregnancy, then he will. If not, it may be nice for him to know that someone is checking on him to see how HE is doing.

That being said, I understand this must be very hard for you & waiting for updates is tough. Hang in there and good work for being such a loving Grandma so far!!

Shiloh--Proud Mom to:
BGG born 2/04
B born 7/06




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Celesta Sat Jul-23-11 06:12 PM
Member since Jun 15th 2010
293 posts

#484939, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0
Sat Jul-23-11 06:19 PM by Celesta

I realize you are worried, but it is time to back way off. Your DIL is fighting to keep one of her children alive. She does not need any added stress. They will share with you when they are ready.

As my own dear MIL has said many times to me, "I had my chance to raise my children, now it's your turn."

Must I tell you how much I love my MIL?

The fastest way to alienate yourself from your future grandkids is to go too far. I realize you are freaking out, but the Triplet Connection could have been a place for her to go to reach out to other triplet moms. Now that you are here, she may feel uncomfortable doing so. Think about that. Take a deep breath, then step away.

Edited to add: Don't forget that this forum is public and they could be reading this.



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smalltott Sat Jul-23-11 07:14 PM
Member since Mar 06th 2010
73 posts

#484940, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 5


I know that you are worried about them and have great concern for the baby but really all you can do is pray for them and be there if they need your help.

I would be concerned that your son and DIL are members of this board or other triplet boards. If she is like me I read all the posts to get information while I was pregnant but didn't post myself.

I personally would not want my health and the health of my unborn children discussed with others unless that was my choice. I am no way trying to sound harsh but fertility issues are very sensitive for some people.

Take care and we are all praying for them

Lisa



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LolasLadies Sat Jul-23-11 07:26 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
2474 posts

#484941, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0


I realize you're coming from YOUR perspective, but I could never imagine someone in my family seeking out a triplet parents' forum to complain about how I was not living up to their standards during my high risk pregnancy. I'm sorry if that seems blunt, but if I discovered that that had happened, it would be a hard thing to overcome... especially during one of the hardest trials of a marriage and family.

His response to you might be a sign that he's had enough of the invasion of privacy from everyone, not necessarily just you. I had a moment like that with our girls' birth. You start to feel like a zoo exhibit. It gets exhausting trying to keep people happy in between dr appts and preparing for new babies and trying to maintain sanity and a marriage and on and on and on... while trying to reduce stress for the health of mom and the babies and have an enjoyable pregnancy.

And they're probably being bombarded with questions from people every day, even people they're not very close to (I had a former coworker's daughter - a woman I'd met twice - show up to the NICU uninvited and awkwardly hang around while my husband held the first baby at 3 days old... this precipitated me telling family members to please give us space). You have to remember that he feels he can be most honest with you since you're his mother, but odds are, you aren't the only one "pestering" him.

I bet if you approached him with THIS, it would go over better: Hi, *son*. I know I've been kind of a pest to get updates, but I think it's because I've got too much time on my hands to worry! I promise to be better about things and try to be more empathetic to how you two must be feeling. Maybe you could give me an idea of things to help you with that would keep my mind busy and feel useful? Like planning a baby shower or even collecting diapers or anything else you can think of? Love you, and give my love to *wife* and the babies!

Doesn't that sound better than: Why don't you call me more often?

Loren
GGG Jan.2005 @ 28wks

Sweetened Taters - http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com




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6 times blessed Sat Jul-23-11 07:32 PM
Member since Dec 17th 2008
328 posts

#484942, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0


My MIL, love her to death, drove me crazy during my pregnancy. The last 8 weeks of my pregnance I was hospitalized and was told to prepare for the death of my daughter. I definitely did not need any extra stress but my MIL (who lives across the country) called daily and if she could not get in touch with my hubby (her son) she was calling me non-stop numerous times a day. It continued even after our 3 little ones all came home. (My daughter is truly a miracle.) It just seemed any amount of information was never enough for her and she would call and call and ask the same questions over and over. I know she meant well but it did not help the situation at all. Things are still very uneasy between us all now. Please respect their boundaries and just be happy when day 7 rolls around and you get an update. I can imagaine it is hard but what they are going through right, well words cannot even describe. My hubby had to tell her it was not about her, it was about the health of our children. It was very hard for her to hear. You sound like a very loving and caring grandmother, but remember right now it is not about you it is about the health of the babies. I am so sorry if this sounds harsh, I do not mean to be ugly in any way.

Stacey






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Grammatobe Sat Jul-23-11 08:11 PM
Member since Jul 11th 2011
20 posts

#484943, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 8


Thank you all for you input. I did find this forum so that I could learn more and not ask "them" so many questions. Seems that was something I should not have done, even with the grandparent spot.

Is there a way that I can delete my posts? I have looked but am not finding a way to do so. I'll remove my membership and I am sorry to have offended those who walk in my DIL's shoes. Its all uncharted territory for the entire family~

Thank you again for your replies and good luck to all of you and your babies/grandbabies.

Grammatobe




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triplicates Sat Jul-23-11 09:08 PM
Member since Sep 12th 2009
206 posts

#484944, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 9


I'm not offended by your presence on the forum. I think it's wonderful that you're willing to learn more about what a high-risk triplet pregnancy entails, and what life will be like for them after the babies come home.

It shows what a caring, amazing grandparent you are that you want to learn firsthand from the families who post here. It can only help to have a deeper understanding of what your son and DIL are facing.

Be mindful about sharing their details on a public forum, but other than that, I don't see any reason why you couldn't continue reading, or asking questions from the grandparent perspective. I think it would be helpful for ALL grandparents to know what kind of help is appreciated, or needed. There are lots you can do now, even from 3.5 hrs away, like making and freezing meals.

Like others have said, your son and DIL are going through an emotionally draining, indescribably challenging and stressful time right now. It's so difficult when one can't even process one's own thoughts and feelings, or answer one's own "what if?" questions, to then attempt to keep family in the loop, and answer family members' questions. Often, there are no answers and just more waiting to be had.

My family lives on another continent and I wish I had them closer, and more involved. But there's a fine line, obviously, between showing interest and being perceived as intrusive. So err on the side of caution and give them all of the space they are asking for right now. They will need help soon enough.

The less glamorous stuff is what we needed help with after the babies came home: someone to coordinate the offers of help, house cleaning, mowing the lawn, making dinners, washing bottles, packing/unpacking the dishwasher, doing laundry. The list was endless.





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LolasLadies Sat Jul-23-11 10:12 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
2474 posts

#484947, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 9


I'm not offended by your presence, either. (Your DIL might not agree, but I might ask the moderators to remove this post.) There are many many resourceful women I've met through this site (some of whom are no longer here... ahem). You might also want to mention this site to your DIL if you haven't already.

I think back to my MIL and the relationship I would've liked to have had with her - long story, she's not in our family's lives - and I can tell you that if you set up something with her ahead of time, allowing her and encouraging her to be HONEST about what kind of help they'll need now and in the future and what kind of involvement they'll want from you, it will be so much healthier for everybody. They'll need to know first and foremost that you'll respect their wishes and privacy. That goes for parenting decisions, CIO techniques, diet, shots, and millions of things in between.

And if you aren't sure, default to giving them space and time. They'll figure things out, and building a good relationship now will keep you "in the loop" later. Good luck!

Loren
GGG Jan.2005 @ 28wks

Sweetened Taters - http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com




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Megan Welfare Sat Jul-23-11 10:43 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
6587 posts

#484951, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 11


>And if you aren't sure, default to giving them space and time.
> They'll figure things out, and building a good relationship
>now will keep you "in the loop" later. Good luck!

Ditto - a much nicer way of saying what I was trying to say!

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06





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Celesta Sat Jul-23-11 10:20 PM
Member since Jun 15th 2010
293 posts

#484949, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 9


I am not offended by you being here either, but I'm not your DIL. I'm just trying to imagine if "I" had been your DIL and I came on here looking for advice and saw a vent about my husband not being attentive enough to his mother during MY high risk pregnancy and I'd be pretty ticked off.

So if you want to delete this post, go into "Edit" and just remove the text and title and we'll pretend it never happened and carry on.



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Megan Welfare Sat Jul-23-11 10:42 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
6587 posts

#484950, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 13


>if "I" had been your DIL and I
>came on here looking for advice and saw a vent about my
>husband not being attentive enough to his mother during MY
>high risk pregnancy and I'd be pretty ticked off.

Yeah, seriously! My sister and brother-in-law went through something like this with his mom during her problem-plagued twin pregnancy. Their relationship still struggles because of it, and the twins will be 8 years old next week.

I am SOOO thankful that my MIL's primary concern has always been SUPPORTING us, rather than her own needs. When I was in the hospital on bedrest for months, she didn't drive us nuts with her needs and concerns. She asked what things needed doing at my house and did them. She stocked my freezer. That kind of thing.

You better believe that because my MIL is so considerate of us, we choose to go out of our way to be accomodating to her as far as time with the kids and so on.

She and I are SO much closer due to her behaviour during my pregnancy and the first few years, which in turn has strengthened my marriage. She is a blessing in my life!

How can you best be a blessing to your son and DIL? (Complaining about your emotional needs during the most stressful thing they have ever been through is not the answer!)


BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06





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julie123 Sun Jul-24-11 03:05 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1732 posts

#484966, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 9


I personally don't think you should go anywhere. My mother is a member of this forum and I LOVE the ability that she has to come on here and reserach things. She had some great info for me from these forums when I was just to tired to get online myself some days.

I see some peopole said they would be offened about your posting here if they were in your DIL's shoes... I personally wouldn't, to each his own though. If you don't think it would offend your DS or DIL, PLEASE PLEASE stay.

Julie
Single mom to

Tristan Declan 4lbs 3oz
Cassandra Madison 4lbs 7oz
Ryland Markus 4lbs 2oz
Born on 9/5/06 at 32 weeks 4 days

www.our3.blogspot.com




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Megan Welfare Sat Jul-23-11 10:17 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
6587 posts

#484948, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0


>This may sound selfish and very well could be, but the high
>risk pregnancy and the worry about how my son and DIL are is
>causing me emotional distress as it is other family members,
>but as a mom... I think more so.

To be perfectly honest, your son is dealing with major risks to his wife's health, a baby that may die, and 3 babies that may have serious long-term complications. Bringing up your emotional distress, as well as that of other family members and adding that to his plate is really really unfair. What kind of stress do you think HE is under? Do you really want to add to that?

I will tell you that this forum was such a godsend for me when I was pregnant and in the early years. And I commented about it to a family member, and then found out that she was searching for my posts and reading everything I wrote. I had vented, I had cried, I had worried. And I felt SO violated to have the one place where everyone truly understood what I was going through invaded by "real life" people.

The best thing you can do at this point is to focus on what THEY need, not what YOU need. Give them all the support they need, but don't add to their stress in any way. They can't handle any more. Trust me! You truly can't imagine what is like to be the parents in this situation. The horror - will one/all of my babies DIE? Will one/all of my babies be in a wheelchair for life? Will I be changing diapers on my 50 year old children when they are 80 b/c they are so disabled? How will I handle that times THREE?? What effect is this going to have on my marriage? Etc. etc. etc.



BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06





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Grammatobe Sun Jul-24-11 04:29 AM
Member since Jul 11th 2011
20 posts

#484954, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 12


Well, the edit feature does not let me edit or delete.. I can see by many responses how hard this is for so many mothers... and thank you for being candid... it really helps. I am so sorry that your lives are so difficult that it has caused you such bitterness that you cannot understand a mother's concern for her son and DIL... and in that concern her trying to figure out what is the best course of action. So sad.... I came on here with love and angst in my heart and looking for answers.

Much of the bitterness that is reflected in the responses helps me navigate... I am so sorry that you who are bitter and bite at me have suffered~ I wish you all peace and happiness in your lives.. just trying to navigate a very new situation and be supportive... not sure how to go about it... and now know that the internet is not the answer.

Be well everyone~ I wish I could edit/delete, but none of the features are working... I have written to the board owners.. hopefully they will help. I am so sorry so many are bitter...so very sad~


Grammatobe




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sandsstone Sun Jul-24-11 07:33 AM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
3594 posts

#484955, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 16


We understand concern. However, drama and emotional issues from someone else is unwelcome by anyone in a high stress situation. What would be most helpful is to take your son's cues and do whatever you need to do to accommodate his wishes. It may be hard for you, being a mother never ends, but your path is clear.

Accusing the members who have walked the path of being bitter and biting you is counterproductive. It seems a bit dramatic....


Susan


Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message




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scorrin5 Sun Jul-24-11 12:09 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
508 posts

#484956, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 16


Clearly you are not here to seek out answers for what is best for your son and DIL after reading your posts to the members honest answers.

Bitter...I hardly think so. Honest and up front, yes. Don't you dare assume for one moment that any of us are bitter about our lives, pregnancies or children! What a horrible thing to assume about a group of people that are trying to guide you when you sought answers from us.

Even the most unselfish, caring person/grandparent will never, ever be able to understand the worry and fear your son and DIL have right now unless they have walked in their shoes. Just try to imagine what they are going through and portray that to them and maybe your son (who I now assume to be a very patient man with you) will appreciate that and allow you to be a part of this time.

I hope that this post is able to be deleted so that your son and DIL are not exposed to your words here. But then again, I suppose they already know your true colors. After all, you were already told you were starting to "bug" your son but instead you came to us looking for answers your son himself had already answered. You better open up your eyes before you lose 5 people because your distress is more important than theirs.

Shiloh--Proud Mom to:
BGG born 2/04
B born 7/06




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Kealoha12 Sun Jul-24-11 12:10 PM
Member since Jan 11th 2008
1439 posts

#484957, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 16


Oh, sheesh, here we go again. Every time someone comes here for "advice" and they don't hear what they want to hear people are bitter.

You asked for advice, it was given to you. If you don't like it, then move on. There's no need to name call people.



Grace

B 06/03/03
BBB 05/24/08






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Celesta Sun Jul-24-11 02:24 PM
Member since Jun 15th 2010
293 posts

#484962, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 16


It's not about YOU, Granny.

Your son has gotten married and is starting his own family. He doesn't need you as a barnacle during his adult years. When you were here asking for medical advice, you were given wonderful,open, and caring advice. When you came here to vent about the soon-to-be parents, you got the smackdown, as you well needed.

I can only hope your son has the strength to put you in your place for his wife's sake. Or you'll be experiencing a level of bitterness that you cannot even begin to imagine from mere strangers on the internet.

Good luck!!!!



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Grammatobe Sun Jul-24-11 03:00 PM
Member since Jul 11th 2011
20 posts

#484964, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 20
Sun Jul-24-11 03:03 PM by Grammatobe

Ladies,

We are all mother's here and although I did not have more than one baby at a time, I do have 4 children, two of whom I am still raising. I came here as a mother who needed some guidance on how to deal with being kept at bay during a difficult life experience that my son and DIL are going thru.

My post was not a "vent" it was a request for help and guidance. A few of the first replies were honest and to the point and very much appreciated. The more replies that followed were very attacking in nature. Grandparents do matter, our feelings matter and when we live far away and rely on emails or telephone when we'd like to bring a meal, clean the house or just watch a movie or hug our kids, its hard on us too.

This is not a normal pregnancy where it is celebrated and shared, pictures are not sent, there is no shower being planned. My kids (and yes my DIL is one of my kids, I love her with all my heart) are hurting as any expectant parents would be given how difficult a multiple pregnancy is. As a mother, when they hurt, I hurt. This is natural. I think the more stressful the situation becomes, the more difficult it becomes for everyone in the family and especially the mothers of the parents to be, secondary of course to the parents to be themselves.

I have clearly hit some very raw nerves here. I have asked via email that this thread and all others that I posted be deleted. I have not heard back.

Several offended responders stated that they hoped this thread would be taken down and that it would not be read by family of mine. In honor of that, hopefully no one else will post here so that the negativity goes away. If you do care about what my children are going thru and the potential that they could read this, then please, let it go, you've all made your points and they have been heard by me. This has been a very eye opening experience for me, realizing that the parents to be of multiples and parents of multiples are nothing like parents expecting one "normal" child.

I have done what I needed to do to find support off of the internet. So, unless you feel a need to continue to attack me and perpetuate the negative direction that my question has taken this thread, then please let it go and let's hope it does get removed.

Thank you in advance,

Grammatobe




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Celesta Sun Jul-24-11 03:48 PM
Member since Jun 15th 2010
293 posts

#484970, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 22


Good job on calling your future grandkids "abnormal". If you dig yourself in a hole any deeper, you'll soon be in the Grand Canyon. Just remember that these bitter women with abnormal kids will soon be your DIL's peer group.

The fact you cannot let this thread go so that it will die and go away, proves you are gigantic drama whore. WOW! It really is all about you, isn't it? Now I bet you will not be able to stop yourself from responding and keeping this post at the top of the page, will you?



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Megan Welfare Sun Jul-24-11 02:54 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
6587 posts

#484963, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 16
Sun Jul-24-11 03:37 PM by Megan Welfare

> I am so
>sorry that your lives are so difficult that it has caused you
>such bitterness that you cannot understand a mother's concern
>for her son and DIL...

But based on your first posts, you AREN'T concerned about your poor DIL at all! Do you understand how risky this is for HER? You only mentioned her once you got your back up!

>As a mother I want to talk to my son more often and hear his
>voice. I know how hard this is on him and even tho he's a
>grown man and soon to be a father, my mothering instincts want
>to nurture him.

It's all about you and your son! What about her???


It really sounds like they are reaching their breaking point with the stress levels. (Most of us hit that during these pregnancies.) Many have to quit talking to everyone who upps the stress levels. Either help, or get out of the way! Those who aren't helpful have to be cut out of the loop.

You can support them best by being calm, cool, collected, and EASY TO DEAL WITH. I have to assume based on your prior responses that you are only interested in advice that confirms your current course of action, but I just have to hope that you will do what is hard for all of us - change your course/ standard behavior. It's not the easy thing to do, but it is the right thing.

You have a unique opportunity here. At the end of this journey, your relationship with your son and DIL will definitely have changed. Whether it is for the better or the worse depends on you and your behavior over the next few months.

It IS a forum of HONEST, sometimes in-your-face people. But being on the outside of your situation, we can see clearly what is harder for you to recognize as you are in the middle of it. We use strong words in hopes that it will bring you to your senses, and save your relationship with your son & DIL. It has nothing to do with bitterness on our ends! It's truly advice offered with the intent of helping, and I hope you will accept it as such.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06





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Grammatobe Sun Jul-24-11 03:19 PM
Member since Jul 11th 2011
20 posts

#484968, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 21


Look Megan, you've posted about 3-4 times. You've made your point. I don't know what happened to you that you are assuming that I am not supporting my DIL or feeling you need to defend her, but lady, you are way off base. I've been humble here and listened now I will tell you, you are out of line and off base if you feel I do not care deeply for my DIL...

My DIL and I talk, we exchange emails and she has her mother who is just a few miles from her. I talk mostly to my son because she is the one carrying these babies, feeling their movement.. we, as mother's know that it is the ultimate and no man will ever know the depth of feeling that we experience when growing a body or more than a body inside our own.

I let her call me when she is up to it. I call my son to check in and see how he is doing emotionally (not how the babies are.. I know he'll tell me if something changes... I call to check on him and my DIL thru him because I don't want to bother her). He's not calling as much anymore and over the last week, that caused me to call more... its been discussed and worked out and in fact was before I ever made my post about being a pest...

My post was made asking hey, they need their space, I need to stop calling, what do others do when they need to give the kids their space but think about them a lot and have their own emotions that they need to deal with. As there are grandparents and obviously parents on here, I thought I might get some good advice on how to not bug them and how to deal with my own anxiety and emotions around what they are going thru. Frankly, I wish I could hug them both everyday and take every bit of their suffering away... but I can't do that because (a) I am not geographically close enough and (b) they don't want that... so excuse me for asking for some help with my own emotions, some of which are a feeling of helplessness for my children and also knowing that the pregnancy is just the beginning~

I realize to a certain degree after reading here what mothers with multiples have gone thru, are going thru, but don't forget there are people out there that care for you immensely and are hurting for you at whatever stage you may be in.... also, don't forget, this is NEW, BRAND NEW for our family and thus is takes awhile to figure out how to get emotions, actions, etc., in the right place.

So, please please let this go. You've all been heard and are repeating each other as well Megan, you've posted enough times and repeated yourself in every post. Let it go please.

Grammatobe




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Megan Welfare Sun Jul-24-11 03:54 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
6587 posts

#484972, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 25


>Look Megan, you've posted about 3-4 times. You've made your
>point.
>Megan, you've posted enough times
>and repeated yourself in every post. Let it go please.


I keep posting because you obviously are missing the point! I keep trying to explain it in a way that you will understand, without saying openly "you selfish woman - think about your poor son & DIL rather than yourself"! I have been kind, whether you read it that way or not. You are obviously reading in a lot of emotions that aren't intended, and aren't in my words! Fine, screw your relationship with your son & DIL, honestly it doesn't affect me or mine in any way. I have only posted in an attempt to keep your toxic attitude from destroying your relationships. An attempt to HELP. Ask anyone on here about my reputation. I am kind person who attempts to help when possible. Those who know me know you are way out of line with your assumptions. You just don't like what I have to say b/c I am telling you that you are wrong. Ask. I can't remember the last time I was involved in any drama or altercations.




>My post was made asking hey, they need their space, I need to
>stop calling, what do others do when they need to give the
>kids their space but think about them a lot and have their own
>emotions that they need to deal with. As there are
>grandparents and obviously parents on here, I thought I might
>get some good advice on how to not bug them and how to deal
>with my own anxiety and emotions around what they are going

How do you give them space? Seriously? How do you think? Do you really think the place to ask is a forum of triplet parents, most of whom have been on the receiving end of people who expect them to manage not only their own stress, but that of other family members as well? Did you really expect us all to say you were right???

Don't tell me to quit posting. When you are ready for the conversation to end, YOU quit posting! You are obviously one of those that feels that you have to have the last word, and that your age makes you the boss. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. I will not be bossed around by someone with a self-centered, holier-than-thou attitude.

BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d




New baby girl born 9/19/06





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julie123 Sun Jul-24-11 03:00 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1732 posts

#484965, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0


Is talking directly to his wife possible? Men in general just seem to be less of talkers, especially about stressful things!

Or, maybe you could suggest they start a blog and post their updates there (check out www.blogger.com). Coming from experience, it is EXHAUSTING trying ot take care of your body while preggo with triplets, and very tiresome to explain the situation/results of most recent peri visit 1000x's to all your different friends and family. Maybe a blog would help with that?

And please don't take offense to this, I mean in in the kindest way...but your emotional distress is entirely irrelevant at this point. You need to take a backseat- IMMEDIATELY.

Think about how much your stress and your worry, is adding to their stress. that is NOT something they need to be dealing with at this point. It sounds, from what you posted, that you are a basket case right now when it comes to the problems they are having with the pregnancy. Right now, your son's ONLY priority, as it should be, is to make sure that his wife is stress free and comfortable. And if that means that he has to cut you out a bit right now because you are stressing him out (which in turn WILL stress her out), then so be it.

I'm not trying to be rude, but you did ask for a kick in the rear end, and I think your in need of one...

Julie
Single mom to

Tristan Declan 4lbs 3oz
Cassandra Madison 4lbs 7oz
Ryland Markus 4lbs 2oz
Born on 9/5/06 at 32 weeks 4 days

www.our3.blogspot.com




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Grammatobe Sun Jul-24-11 03:29 PM
Member since Jul 11th 2011
20 posts

#484969, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 23


Thank you Julie so very, very much~ Yes, I am a bit of a basket case at this time... or at least was for a few weeks and it doesn't take a whole lot of butt kicking (and there is way more than necessary at this time here) for me to "get it."

Your post is kind and to the point. My son is wonderful as he is taking care of his beautiful wife and he does set boundaries for both their well being.

All will be fine and hopefully everyone here realizes that enough has been shared.

Thank you again for your kind approach at the kick in the rear. One of the best posts and frankly could have been the only one. Every notice when you scream and yell and put your kids down if you are reprimanding that the results are never as positive as when you speak calmly and allow them to maintain their dignity thru the butt kicking? I've been a mom for 29 years and when you strip someone of their dignity when reprimanding... so many points can be lost~ Thank you for allowing me my dignity while sharing your opinion.. I admire that~




Grammatobe




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loved3makes5 Sun Jul-24-11 04:31 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
768 posts

#484976, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 26
Sun Jul-24-11 04:36 PM by loved3makes5


One thing you must realize about this forum: When you ask them to be brutally honest--they WILL be brutally honest. Plus when you are reading something you may be hearing a tone of voice that wasn't intended. Don't choose to be upset--take whatever info you think you should and carry on--the rest isn't worth you getting upset over.

Without really knowing your son and DIL no one can really give the correct advice because we don't know their personalities. We only know what we experienced and how we felt about it and that's what we can tell you--some of us are bitter, some of us aren't. For instance--if someone had asked me to blog all my personal stuff I would have been horrified because I'm a private person and it irritates me when I have a worry and someone downplays it by saying "Such and such had that when they were pregnant and the baby was fine. It no big deal."

You really have to just care for you son and DIL the best you can and accept whatever info THEY are willing to share with you.

Good luck to you and your family.






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Grammatobe Sun Jul-24-11 04:46 PM
Member since Jul 11th 2011
20 posts

#484980, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 30


I have learned the brutally honest part quickly and I won't be here anymore as the brutal part is not healthy.

Thank you for your warm wishes and you hit the nail on the head with no one really knows the personalities involved and it just cannot be explained in text form....

Take care,

Grammatobe




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Celesta Sun Jul-24-11 08:27 PM
Member since Jun 15th 2010
293 posts

#484985, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 33


You.just.can't.stop.posting, can you? What are the voices saying to do?



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Grammatobe Sun Jul-24-11 04:25 PM
Member since Jul 11th 2011
20 posts

#484974, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 23


Julie,

My youngest son is down visiting with family and my son and DIL is where he is right now. I had the opportunity to chat with her and we exchanged some heartfelt emotions and conversation. Thank you. She is resting and doing well. Her mother is also having a difficult time with the risks her own daughter is facing.

We will hear again next week how all is going with them.

After talking with her today I realize how much energy was expended her that didn't need to be. She is a fabulous and relaxed human being and you are right, she is easier to talk to than my son. We finished with I love you's and we'll talk soon.

Thank you again~

Grammatobe




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julie123 Sun Jul-24-11 04:46 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1732 posts

#484979, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 29


Glad to hear you were able to chat with her. I can completely understand how stressed and worried you are. But at the same time, you need to make sure that they aren't picking up on it, and that you are taking out that stress and worry somewhere else.

As far as the responses on this thread... yes, there were a few that had me scratching my head. But for about 98% of them, I think you are just super sensitive right now and read into them too much, or took them with a certain "tone" that I don't think the poster was intending to relay. Afterall, you did ask for honesty and a kick in the rear . People were just trying to relay their different experiences and point of views.

I personally think there is NOTHING more valuable that you can take from this thread (and a few other topics on the forum)
than reading the posts/experiences/opinions of other women and their MIL's so you can learn what TO do and what NOT TO DO!!! I know it must be so hard to just stand by and feel helpless, I can't imagine. But one of the others put it perfectly when she shared how her relationship with her MIL was strengthened because her MIL was there to take car of things, asked how she could help and then just did it. I realize you are a few hrs away so its harder for you, but still, take from it what you can and make it work for you. And because of that, she is VERY liberal with the grandparents in their lives.

Maybe, to alleviate some of the conversations being so repetative (honestly it was the #1 reason I started my blog!), is that maybe you and HER mother could converse more often? I don't know if you are already, but surely the two of you can understand, more than anyonelse, the stress and worry that you are experiencing.

Instead of bottling it up and then un-intentionally letting your son "feel" some of it (we are human and even if you try not to, your son WILL pick up on your worry and stress), use eachother (you and HER mother) as sounding boards. Just a thought...

I hope you stay, I hope you continue to post your questions. That's what this forum is for and as far as I know, grandparents are always welcome.



Julie
Single mom to

Tristan Declan 4lbs 3oz
Cassandra Madison 4lbs 7oz
Ryland Markus 4lbs 2oz
Born on 9/5/06 at 32 weeks 4 days

www.our3.blogspot.com




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sandsstone Sun Jul-24-11 04:46 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
3594 posts

#484978, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0


>As a mother I want to talk to my son more often and hear his
>voice. I know how hard this is on him and even tho he's a
>grown man and soon to be a father, my mothering instincts want
>to nurture him.
>

We are kindly but firmly saying it is time to take a back seat and let your son be an adult. By his own comments, your method of nurturing him is not what he wants.

>He doesn't answer most of my calls or return messages and I
>was told today that I am starting to "bug" him.
>

This is saying...Mom, you have gone beyond what I can tolerate and when you aren't getting the message from my ignoring you...I will have to be blunter and tell you to stop.


>This may sound selfish and very well could be, but the high
>risk pregnancy and the worry about how my son and DIL are is
>causing me emotional distress as it is other family members,
>but as a mom... I think more so.

If you are so distressed, please seek professional help. You will need to be at your best no matter what the outcome of the PG. Please seek help so you can get past the distress.


>
>How do I take care of my emotions and leave the parents to be
>to their own unless they ask more of me?


It is the unfortunate lot of a parent to nervously wait for the outcome, however, if you feel it is more than you can handle, please seek professional help.

>
>Waiting 7 days to
>get an update is so hard and not being able to just say "hey,
>how are you today" is hard but it seems its too hard for my
>son to do more than that due to the daily life and then the
>stress of high risk pregnancy and preparing for 3 babies and
>all that goes with multiples and early delivery.


Now this comment seems like you are being selfish. Though it is hard, this is what your son is asking of you. Passive aggressive/sarcastic statements about the situation again make it seem like you are focused on you and your issues with the pregnancy.


>
>Can someone help me, even if its a kick in the rear end?
>Other parents of multiples, please share.. grandparents that
>may have experienced similar?
>


Don't ask for a kick in the pants if you just want ideas on how to get them to give you more info. When you got it you weren't too happy about it.


Susan


Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message




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asmaio Sun Jul-24-11 08:01 PM
Member since Sep 09th 2008
1019 posts

#484983, "RE: I am Driving the Parents to Be Crazy - Help"
In response to Reply # 0


I won't rehash what everybody else has said - which I agree with - but to offer a different suggestion on how to get more info.

You said that your DIL's mother lives close by and is helping. Have you reached out to her to get more info? I know that my MIL and mom spoke occasionally during my pregnancy. They were able to confirm amongst themselves that they were in fact all getting the same details, and then they could talk to each other about how we sounded when we last spoke to them, how they thought we were holding up, etc. etc. They were both happy (neither of them lived near us), and didn't cause us any extra stress.

I would suggest not calling your DIL for info, if you're getting it from your son, unless your son has a history of not giving all the details. My husband would tell his sister about our appointment, and barely 24 hours later she'd send me an e-mail asking how it went, because she didn't believe he had told her everything. It was very annoying for me - because of our situation (one of our girls only had a 50% chance of surviving birth) - it wasn't something we wanted to talk about all the time. Telling the story repeatedly was exhausting.

Amy
Amy

Julia, ^Caitlin^ & Gabrielle



Visit us at http://onealaskanmom.wordpress.com



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Spontaneous.bbg

Guess her big girl panties spontaneously fell off.

spontaneous.bbg Thu May-26-11 08:49 PM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483694, "Who made it past 36 weeks?"
Thu May-26-11 09:48 PM by spontaneous.bbg

Hi,

I'm in my 36th week with no complications or bedrest. I'm very active; shopping, cooking, building furniture, ect.., no signs of preterm labor. My doctor scheduled my c-section for 37 weeks and 2 days. I'm wondering if anyone else can share their experiences of making it past week 36 and if anyone has made to week 37?

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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Replies to this topic

RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, lovemy5boys, May 26th 2011, #1
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, scorrin5, May 26th 2011, #2
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 26th 2011, #4
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, jeneis, May 26th 2011, #3
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, erin.eloisa, May 26th 2011, #5
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 26th 2011, #6
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, okeypokey3, May 26th 2011, #7
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 26th 2011, #8
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, atkindred, May 27th 2011, #9
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 27th 2011, #10
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, kathysyd, May 27th 2011, #11
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 27th 2011, #13
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, kathysyd, May 27th 2011, #21
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Sharon, May 27th 2011, #24
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Coriannder, May 27th 2011, #12
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 27th 2011, #14
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Coriannder, May 27th 2011, #17
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 27th 2011, #18
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Judie, May 27th 2011, #15
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 27th 2011, #16
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Hope08, May 27th 2011, #19
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 27th 2011, #20
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, pyjammy, May 27th 2011, #22
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 27th 2011, #23
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 27th 2011, #25
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, sandsstone, May 27th 2011, #26
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 28th 2011, #31
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, VonWasden, May 28th 2011, #27
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 28th 2011, #28
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, JodyM, May 28th 2011, #29
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 28th 2011, #30
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Tasha, May 28th 2011, #32
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 28th 2011, #33
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, scottnik, May 28th 2011, #34
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Tasha, May 29th 2011, #38
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 29th 2011, #42
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Celesta, May 28th 2011, #35
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 28th 2011, #37
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, sandsstone, May 29th 2011, #39
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 29th 2011, #40
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, 6BlueEyes, May 29th 2011, #44
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, scorrin5, May 29th 2011, #45
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, kathysyd, May 29th 2011, #46
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Celesta, May 29th 2011, #47
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, Hope08, May 28th 2011, #36
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, spontaneous.bbg, May 29th 2011, #41
RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?, KristisCrew, May 29th 2011, #43



lovemy5boys Thu May-26-11 08:51 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1771 posts

#483695, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0


A triplet pregnancy is considered full term at 36 weeks. Any longer could be dangerous. Are you seeing a regular ob or a peri?

proud mom to
DS 9
DS 6
BBB 9/29/06 born @ 32w2d




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scorrin5 Thu May-26-11 09:26 PM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
500 posts

#483696, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0


Ditto what pp said. Some of the more recent studies are finding that the 35th week may even be considered safer. Most peris will not extend the pregnancy beyond the 36th week. Has your dr told you why he wants you to go so late?

Shiloh--Proud Mom to:
BGG born 2/04
B born 7/06




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spontaneous.bbg Thu May-26-11 10:05 PM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483698, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 2
Thu May-26-11 10:21 PM by spontaneous.bbg

Yep. We had a long discussion about it. He's a multiples-only peri who keeps up-to-date on the research and is connected to UCSD. He's been at it for about 20 years, and came highly recommended. He says the lungs may still not be fully developed, with a 5 - 10% chance of problems if they come out before 38 weeks. He's seen lung problems with babes born at 36 weeks and thinks no NICU time is worth the risk of me going a little longer. Of course I told him that many get scheduled c-sections at 35-36 weeks (which he of course knows), but he said there is debate on whether going longer is better (and worth the risk of other complications). At this point, I need to trust his methods, especially with as many triplets he's delivered past 36 weeks w/o complications for mother or babies spending time in the NICU.

I'm really wondering about others who have made it past 36 weeks, because I know they're out there!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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jeneis Thu May-26-11 09:50 PM
Member since Nov 17th 2008
579 posts

#483697, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0


I also ditto that my peri would not let me go any further than 36 weeks bad things can happen if you go tooo long, maybe talk to him again, and I was like you everything good not one complication, no preterm labor i loved my doc, go back and talk to them!

=""


Timmy 4lbs 15 oz 15 days Nicu
Caylee 5lbs 3 oz 2 days Nicu
Joey 5lbs 7oz NO NICU

Born at 35 weeks 1 day May 26, 2009

eistriplets.blogspot.com




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erin.eloisa Thu May-26-11 10:53 PM
Member since Feb 25th 2009
35 posts

#483699, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 3
Thu May-26-11 10:55 PM by erin.eloisa

I too had spontaneous triplets with no bedrest/complications and was delivered at my peri's insistence @ 36 weeks. My babies, while thankfully having no lasting repercussions, where in the NICU for 2 weeks, Both my boys needed C-pap for 3 days and all three were in isolates. While I can't speculate on the wisdom of going past 36 weeks, I wanted to share my story, as I definitely was not prepared to have babies that would not be coming home with me. Much less to have them needing medical intervention.

Erin
paynemanagement.blogspot.com



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spontaneous.bbg Thu May-26-11 11:15 PM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483700, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 5


Thank you for replying and sharing. This is very helpful and what I was seeking from my post. I would not have expected them to be in NICU, either. Again, thank-you very much for sharing with me.

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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okeypokey3 Thu May-26-11 11:44 PM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
238 posts

#483701, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 6


Just wanted to say I went to exactly 37 weeks.
I had big healthy babies with no NICU time.
Best of luck to you!!!


Gina mom to BBG born 2-4-03 at 37 weeks
and surprise baby boy 11/07



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spontaneous.bbg Thu May-26-11 11:46 PM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483702, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 7


Ah-ha! I knew someone was out there! Thanks so much, you're an inspiration!!!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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atkindred Fri May-27-11 12:15 AM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
500 posts

#483703, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0


My long time friend and neighbor growing up had her triplets at 37 weeks and they all came home with her. She had a couple of 7 pounders and one in the 6 pound range.

Good luck!

Grateful mother of seven, 8 and under:
B 8/02
B 9/03
GBG 3/06 at 35 weeks
GB 12/08 at 38 weeks




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spontaneous.bbg Fri May-27-11 12:30 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483704, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 9
Fri May-27-11 12:39 AM by spontaneous.bbg

wow, you never hear about women who have triplets in the 6-7 lb range. It's so cool to hear it happens and mom and babes doing so well!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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kathysyd Fri May-27-11 02:42 AM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
1213 posts

#483713, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0


I have always heard of the dangers of going too long with triplets also.

Another thing to think about is the damage you are doing to your own body.

mom to:
Ryan 30 The Lawyer
Jason 28 The Meteorologist
Chris 28 The Manager
Tim 28 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!




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spontaneous.bbg Fri May-27-11 03:08 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483718, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 11


Please, if you're not going to post something helpful or nice, don't post!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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kathysyd Fri May-27-11 11:29 AM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
1213 posts

#483730, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 13


Actually this information is true.

Your body is put through a lot during a triplet pregnancy.



mom to:
Ryan 30 The Lawyer
Jason 28 The Meteorologist
Chris 28 The Manager
Tim 28 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!




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Sharon Fri May-27-11 02:23 PM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
2746 posts

#483735, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 21
Fri May-27-11 02:25 PM by Sharon

I agree with Kathy. I was explained the various risks of waiting between 35 weeks and 36 weeks. Not counting the risks to the mom, there were issues that could happen with placental breakdown and cord compression.

To the original poster, please make sure you are monitored closely. I'm sure nothing anyone says on this forum will make a difference since you appear comfortable with your choice. But on behalf of your babies, please make sure you are getting excellent and closely-monitored health care.

My boys were born at 35w2d. My doctor did not want a 36 week delivery. I was in the hospital for 4 days due to the c-section. One boy went home with me, one on day 5, and one on day 6. My boys were 5-4, 5-11, and 5-15.

Sharon
14 year old b.b.b + 17 year old son



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Coriannder Fri May-27-11 03:06 AM
Member since Nov 18th 2009
252 posts

#483716, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0


I went to 36 weeks, 2 days. My son was 6.13, my girls were 5.12 and 5.1. All 3 were take home babies.
My practice was going to allow me to go to 37 weeks but they stirred things up and started labor. (Due to insurance resason they couldn't do an elective csection before 37 weeks even for triplets. They will do them earlier for triplets if the lungs past a maturity test done by doing an amino. The amino sent me into labor.)
As for one PP said, "Another thing to think about is the damage you are doing to your own body." I feel that I have no more damage done to my body then anyone else with triplets. Yes, I need a tummy tuck but everything else is fine...back, stomach muscles, etc.
If you have any other questions, let me know. Especially with bringing 3 home from the get-go. Good luck!!


Cori
Boy, 6
Boy, 3
GBG born at 36w2d on 5/25/10
I *think* we're done.




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spontaneous.bbg Fri May-27-11 03:16 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483719, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 12


Hi Cori,

Wow, those are some big babies! Way to go! And thanks for sharing! I'm wondering about the amino - I'll ask my doc about it tomorrow. I go in 2-3 times a week for monitoring and testing. They keep a very close eye on me to ensure the babies and I are not developing any problems. I'll PM you if I have any questions!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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Coriannder Fri May-27-11 04:05 AM
Member since Nov 18th 2009
252 posts

#483724, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 14


Esther,
They do the amino to cover their butts. If the doctors would deliver triplets earlier then 37 weeks on a " non-emergency basis" and their lungs are not mature, the doctors will hear about it. That was how things were laid out for me with my insurance using the hospital I was at.
While the amino is not bad, I would have skipped it now in hindgsight. They did the amino and the babies failed the lung test. Was sent home and waited another week. Did another amino, failed again but this time I went to labor due all the stress of having the amino. Babies were born and lungs were FINE. My doctor told me that they happens...they fail the test but chances are they are fine.


Cori
Boy, 6
Boy, 3
GBG born at 36w2d on 5/25/10
I *think* we're done.




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spontaneous.bbg Fri May-27-11 04:23 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483725, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 17
Fri May-27-11 04:23 AM by spontaneous.bbg

hmm, interesting...maybe that's why he didn't suggest the amino...

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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Judie Fri May-27-11 03:17 AM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1315 posts

#483720, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0


I delivered at 36 weeks 3 days. My doctor's office typically delivered any time after 36 weeks so when I was at 32 weeks they said pick a day!

I have a friend that went 37 weeks 2 days.

In both of our cases, all the kids were healthy, over 5 pounds, no NICU, and went home 4 days later.

Neither of us have suffered any health problems (except the wages of 4 teenagers! in my case)


Judie and Victor
lucky parents to
Frankie 3/95
Maggie 7/96
Rose 7/96
Elizabeth 7/96



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spontaneous.bbg Fri May-27-11 03:20 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483721, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 15


Wow! Great news, all these big babies! Thank-you!!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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Hope08 Fri May-27-11 06:00 AM
Member since Apr 09th 2009
271 posts

#483727, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0
Fri May-27-11 06:13 AM by Hope08

Same here, Esther. Went 36.1 weeks. Wish I could say I was as ambulatory as you at that point---it was pretty painful. I'm a very small person (tiny and short torso/midsection), so I could barely breathe, let alone do more than walk a few yards here and there at that point. I'd always been very active prior to that and was very athletic, so it was tough for me to spend so much of my time forcing myself to sit down, but like you, I was never on bedrest. My peri and I scheduled a C-section even though I had absolutely no signs of PTL, pre-e or anything like that for my 36th week. (She really wanted to hit this point and even the day of, I honestly felt like these little guys could easily stick around another 2 weeks---no signs of anything at all. I even forced myself to pace the neighborhood---ouch!---trying to get labor started...nothing! So, I delivered our babies...all over 5 lb. and they had absolutely no NICU time. I don't regret for a second delivering them at that point. In fact, I felt safer when they were out than when they were in me to be perfectly honest. Poor things had no more room...I was so scared of the cords compressing or the placentas being compromised in any way esp. since there were a few babies and all that pressure.
My uncle's a well-known neonatologist, and he said that 36-37 weeks is really the perfect time to deliver. Anything past that is just icing on the cake and past 37 weeks is usually not a dealbreaker. To be perfectly honest, I think some docs kind of like to brag about how long their patients can go, so 3 or 4 days this far down the line will most likely have slim to no effect on the outcome. In fact, my uncle pointed out that he's seen more and more singletons born at 40 weeks who have needed NICU time, so there really is no escaping it if there are issues in many cases. I know of a few triplet moms who went up to 34 weeks (no shots) and had no NICU time with big babies, and I even knew of a mom with triplets who went to 37.3 weeks, and two of hers needed the NICU for a week. In fact, my youngest sister was born at 33.2 weeks, and she came out 6 1/2 lb. with no NICU time, so you never know 100%. My niece was born at 37. 4 wks, and she needed a couple days for breathing issues. You just never know. A great deal of the equation has to deal with the environment in the uterus as well as each baby's developmental processes/speeds. Good luck!



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spontaneous.bbg Fri May-27-11 07:42 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483729, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 19
Fri May-27-11 07:44 AM by spontaneous.bbg

Hi Hope08,

I remember you from your post under "spontaneous triplets". I thought you provided the best information on that post. It's nice to hear from you. Again, you seem to have a wealth of useful information, so thank you for taking the time to share it with me. I read your post to my husband and we both think you seem well-informed and your points make a lot of sense. I'm also small (5'2") and was very fit before getting pregnant. Yes, it's hard for me to breath at times, especially in bed at night - it scares me so much I have to get up and head to the couch! I make an effort to stay mobile, and since doing so, I've been feeling a lot better physically.

I truly hope to make it to 37 weeks. I completely trust my peri, and I'm being well-monitored for any problems that may develop.

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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pyjammy Fri May-27-11 01:19 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1456 posts

#483733, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0


There's a woman in our local triplet group who had her boys at 37 weeks. As far as I know, they were all big, healthy, and had no NICU time. But that's all I know.

Pam
Identical BBB triplets born 12/4/07 at 33w2d
http://www.pyjammy.com







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spontaneous.bbg Fri May-27-11 02:23 PM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483734, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 22


very encouraging, thanks, Pam!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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spontaneous.bbg Fri May-27-11 02:47 PM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483736, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0
Fri May-27-11 03:06 PM by spontaneous.bbg

Apparently some people don't realize there's more than one right way to give care for a triplet pregnancy.

I'm aware of the possible risks and benefits of going past 36 weeks, and so is my peri. I've addressed the negative points people keep making already on this board (maybe read first before posting?), as well as on my blog. Do you really think judgmental criticisms will help me at this point?

My doc would not schedule an earlier c-section, so this has nothing to do with my "choice" (inferring if something went wrong it would be my fault). I'm being monitored very closely and I trust him. If there appears to be the SLIGHTEST problem, out they come.

Again, I'm seeking input from those who have or know someone who has delivered triplets after 36 weeks.


Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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sandsstone Fri May-27-11 08:47 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
3566 posts

#483748, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 25


Just wondering what kind of input you are seeking. It sounds like you have had a fab pregnancy and are in the home stretch. Did you just want the stats on NICU time, weights and such?

Congratulations to you and your trio, I look forward to seeing the announcement of their birth!


Susan





Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message



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spontaneous.bbg Sat May-28-11 04:32 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483755, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 26


Hi Susan,

Yes, any information would be appreciated. I was wondering if others had good or bad experiences with making it past 36 weeks. Of course, there are plenty of people who have opinions about it, but I'm asking to hear from the people who actually went through it. Did everything go ok, were the babies fine, any problems, ect..I just want to know what I may have in store if I make it to my scheduled c-section at 37 weeks.

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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VonWasden Sat May-28-11 01:33 AM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
3399 posts

#483749, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0


I had a scheduled c-sec at 36w4d and everything went fantastically. Like you I was active up until the end. I was very with no complications or problems. The boys were 6.5, 5 6.5 lbs each. We all came home together after 4 days.

Congrats and good luck!

Kim
Nate, Nick & Noel(36w4d)and Nia.




http://www.tickercentral.com>




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spontaneous.bbg Sat May-28-11 02:56 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483751, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 27


thank-you! I'm hoping to make it to the c-section, although I know it'll be a long shot if I do!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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JodyM Sat May-28-11 03:03 AM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
534 posts

#483752, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 0
Sat May-28-11 03:04 AM by JodyM

This will have nothing to do with your original post since I carried to 33 weeks Just looked at your blog and saw that you are finishing up your Ph.D. I defended mine when I was 15 weeks pregnant with BBBs. I stopped going in to school where I was teaching on fellowship at around 22 weeks...I was making people nervous I went on bedrest 2 weeks later and stayed there until I delivered.

Loved your blog, and wanted to say congrats and wish you good luck! The Ph.D. and kids are totally doable. We went from 0 kids when I was hired in my professorship to 4 here and 1 on the way still pretenure, and I've managed to write articles and make the disseration into a book--with childcare help, of course If you have about three more years to go, you will definitely need that child care when it comes time to write (my advice: write sections of the dissertation as seminar papers if you can, and when you go to write, start by coming up with a chapter plan and just knock one off at a time--not so overwhelming)!! You will have such fun with them! The kids I mean--and hopefully the dissertation chapters as well...



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spontaneous.bbg Sat May-28-11 03:20 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483754, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 29
Sat May-28-11 04:52 AM by spontaneous.bbg

Thanks so much for writing! I've been feeling a little isolated with triplets on the way and 3 years left in a PhD program. I don't fit in with typical grad students anymore, so it's very reassuring to hear from someone else who can give me advice on how to get through this (not the triplets part, the triplets part + PhD part). I'm going back full time in the fall, when they are 4 months old. I found a nanny who will come to the house. It's not what I would have wanted, but neither was an unexpected pregnancy while in a PhD program. I've been working on a meta-analysis from home, in addition to 2 other research projects...I'm pretty stressed!

Thanks for the advice. It sounds like you've managed to publish and keep on track. I keep working everyday. I just hope I don't lose my mind in the fall. I'm in a fully funded program, so I teach sections in personality courses, psych 101 courses, statistics, ect...What field are you in?

Again, any additional advice you may have for me is very much appreciated!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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Tasha Sat May-28-11 06:42 PM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
2359 posts

#483759, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 30


"Thanks so much for writing! I've been feeling a little isolated with triplets on the way and 3 years left in a PhD program. I definitely don't fit in with the usual crowd of triplet moms, and now I don't fit in with typical grad students, so it's very reassuring to hear from someone else who can give me advice on how to get through this (not the triplets part, the triplets part + PhD part). I'm going back full time in the fall, when they are 4 months old. I found a nanny who will come to the house. It's not what I would have wanted, but neither was an unexpected pregnancy while in a PhD program. I've been working on a meta-analysis from home, in addition to 2 other research projects...I'm pretty stressed!

Thanks for the advice. It sounds like you've managed to publish and keep on track. I keep working everyday. I just hope I don't lose my mind in the fall. I'm in a fully funded program, so I teach sections in personality courses, psych 101 courses, statistics, ect...What field are you in?

Again, any additional advice you may have for me is very much appreciated!

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com"

Wow Sheldon I guess we usual triplet moms just ain't as edumacated. Oh, I know get out of your spot.

-Penny




Tasha
Have children afraid of monsters or just looking for a fun kids app? http://www.goawaymonster.com/




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spontaneous.bbg Sat May-28-11 08:59 PM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483761, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 32


whoops! I had edited that out of the post for fear it would come out wrong...it has nothing to do with education, but with the unplanned pregnancy...no intention to offend, obviously there are many educated and smart triplet moms!



Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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scottnik Sat May-28-11 09:30 PM
Member since Nov 27th 2007
611 posts

#483763, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 33


Don't worry - there are many moms on here who have gone through a PhD program

I have a friend who made it to 37 weeks with her trio. They weighed 7lbs, 6lbs, and almost 5lbs. Her daughter (the almost 5 lb baby) did have about a week of NICU time.

Congrats on making it this far in your pregnancy. Things can change at any time, but you may just make it to your 37 week scheduled c-section!

Nik
GBG triplets born 4/2/05
30w5d
www.thebestthingscomein3.blogspot.com




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Tasha Sun May-29-11 12:13 AM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
2359 posts

#483767, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 33


Actually there are many of us that had unplanned pregnancies. Yes most may have used some form of ART but there are more of us than you may think. We just don't feel the need to make sure a big deal about it. It is nice to share stories about the shock of finding out our birth control failed. But pretty much after that the experience isn't really any different than a mother who used any form of ART.

Tasha
Have children afraid of monsters or just looking for a fun kids app? http://www.goawaymonster.com/




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spontaneous.bbg Sun May-29-11 03:03 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483771, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 38


I realized your points right after writing that post, which is why I edited that statement out. I didn't want to make a big deal about it on this board. I guess not fast enough for someone to get a hold of it and attack anyway!



Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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Celesta Sat May-28-11 09:32 PM
Member since Jun 16th 2010
270 posts

#483764, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 32


Most triplets moms requiring ART usually put off having children while they pursued higher education and careers. As a group, the triplet moms I know are highly educated. I wouldn't lump all of us as a group of dumbasses. Most of us were smart enough to not get pregnant while we were still in school. Just sayin'.



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spontaneous.bbg Sat May-28-11 11:58 PM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483766, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 35


What are you talking about? Do you just make stuff up? They have medication for that, you know.

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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sandsstone Sun May-29-11 01:29 AM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
3566 posts

#483768, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 37


Careful. Some people do read (and copy) what you have on your blog before they comment. I had chalked up your comments to hormones/pain/PG, but others may not.


Susan


Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07




http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message



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spontaneous.bbg Sun May-29-11 02:00 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483769, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 39
Sun May-29-11 02:12 AM by spontaneous.bbg

Thanks, Susan. Just like many others who get attacked on this site, I never intended to imply superiority or offend anyone. If I had thought that were possible, I never would have posted here in the first place (and never will again). It's clear some people on this forum like to twist others' comments so as to harass and abuse unsuspecting members.

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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6BlueEyes Sun May-29-11 01:47 PM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
792 posts

#483775, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 40


It always strikes me that the most "sesitive" readers on this board are also the ones that are most insensitive as to what they say themselves. As a someone that is studying for a phd in pshychology, it seems that you should be able to understand how your comments could offend and insult others. Hopefully, it is just your hormones and you are not actually that arrogant.

Kelly
Ben, Jack & Drew 05/28/02
Charlie 07/06/06
Aunt to: Liam, Aidan & Connor 03/05/08
www.outnumberedmommy.blogspot.com




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scorrin5 Sun May-29-11 05:19 PM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
500 posts

#483777, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 44


PERFECTLY said. Nothing like starting your time on a forum chat board with wanting some more information about your wonderful pregnancy and your stellar educational advancements.

Has it occurred to the OP that going past 36 weeks in a triplet pregnancy is rare in the fact that it is usually not either thought safe or most moms are not lucky enough to get close to that far---so I am still with PP Susan on this one---what exactly were you looking for? No one here or anywhere can give you these answers. On this board there are 25 week multiple miracles and then there are moms that have singletons born well beyond full term with health issues. I suppose there are averages/statistics but again, those past the weeks of 36-37 are rare.

What if your pregnancy had not progressed this well? How would this post appear to you if you had not been so lucky in your pregnancy and your children had not been so healthy thus far? Can you honestly say that your postings would not strike a nerve if your pregnancy had gone differently? I know you say you are leaving this board (all pot stirrers usually do say this) but do know that even though you have offended many, edumacated and unedumacated, we will still be here and be supportive. I still don't see how your joke of education refers to your unplanned pregnancy??---also, there is no such thing as a "planned triplet pregnancy." Just one of many lessons to come of your very early journey of parenthood. I hope all of your future writings for your PhD go better than what you have presented here!

Shiloh--Proud Mom to:
BGG born 2/04
B born 7/06




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kathysyd Sun May-29-11 05:26 PM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
1213 posts

#483778, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 45


>PERFECTLY said. Nothing like starting your time on a forum
>chat board with wanting some more information about your
>wonderful pregnancy and your stellar educational advancements.
>
>
>Has it occurred to the OP that going past 36 weeks in a
>triplet pregnancy is rare in the fact that it is usually not
>either thought safe or most moms are not lucky enough to get
>close to that far---so I am still with PP Susan on this
>one---what exactly were you looking for? No one here or
>anywhere can give you these answers. On this board there are
>25 week multiple miracles and then there are moms that have
>singletons born well beyond full term with health issues. I
>suppose there are averages/statistics but again, those past
>the weeks of 36-37 are rare.
>
>What if your pregnancy had not progressed this well? How
>would this post appear to you if you had not been so lucky in
>your pregnancy and your children had not been so healthy thus
>far? Can you honestly say that your postings would not strike
>a nerve if your pregnancy had gone differently? I know you
>say you are leaving this board (all pot stirrers usually do
>say this) but do know that even though you have offended many,
>edumacated and unedumacated, we will still be here and be
>supportive. I still don't see how your joke of education
>refers to your unplanned pregnancy??---also, there is no such
>thing as a "planned triplet pregnancy." Just one of many
>lessons to come of your very early journey of parenthood. I
>hope all of your future writings for your PhD go better than
>what you have presented here!


Very well stated. You must be educated. LOL!!!

I have heard for years that going too far in a Higher Order Mulitple pregnancy can cause the demise of the babies. I don't understand a doctor pushing the pregnancy to the limits. I also know how difficult this is on the mother's body.

Just speaking from years of experience.

mom to:
Ryan 30 The Lawyer
Jason 28 The Meteorologist
Chris 28 The Manager
Tim 28 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!




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Celesta Sun May-29-11 06:22 PM
Member since Jun 16th 2010
270 posts

#483779, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 46
Sun May-29-11 06:24 PM by Celesta

I'm sorry. Your two decades of following triplet outcomes on this board do not qualify you to have an opinion, ignoramus. As I can see from your signature, it appears your triplets are dumbasses, too. Could your try to educate yourself and your offspring for the sake of this crowd?

Then get back to us when you go back in time to your 20s, when you knew everything. Make sure to not actually answer any questions unless you agree. I would also like to see you change your screen name to Spontaneous Kathysyd, because I don't think you've mentioned that once in the last 15 years, so you must be trying to hide something. I thank you for your cooperation.



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Hope08 Sat May-28-11 10:09 PM
Member since Apr 09th 2009
271 posts

#483765, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 30
Sat May-28-11 10:11 PM by Hope08

I think if you have help, it'll be very manageable. I've been working full-time, did the grad student thing, took on a supervisory position etc...with toddler triplets and things fell into place. I was asked by several of the dep't chairs to get my doctoral degree, but I've decided to go after it when the kids are a little older. I'm only 27, so I'm thinking in my 30s? My husband is also not very supportive of me working full-time and pursuing it, and I have to continue to work as I'm really making strides at this point in my career. I'm at UCLA, and the tuition is another issue for me. We just can't swing the 80+K for the program at this point in our lives, especially in the high cost of living area where we currently reside. If you need to take a year off, I totally understand that. You have the rest of your life to finish your program but only so many years while they're little, so don't feel like you're letting yourself down if you pursue a break or have to go part-time at some point.

Having triplets has made me a tad less ambitious than I used to be, but I'm getting ahead in my career at least at the moment and racking up experience which allows me to feel a bit less unsure of myself. I know I don't fit in with many of the SAHMs I know, but I know many of them are quite intelligent, and many of them have put their careers and education on hold for a while. I totally support that option just as I support others to work and go to school. I must admit that the topics can get a little old for me when I'm with other moms with children, but I know it's because that's their new focus. Good luck!



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spontaneous.bbg Sun May-29-11 02:39 AM
Member since Feb 25th 2011
38 posts

#483770, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 36


Hi Hope,

Thanks for the support!I fully agree with you. I've been in contact with some really amazing and intelligent triplet moms (many of whom are SAHMs), and they have already helped me so much.

I wish I could stay home, but I would get lost in the program if I stopped for a year - it's the statistics part that makes it difficult for me. Plus, I'm in my 30's so it does feel like now or never. If it's too hard, than as a last resort I'll have to drop out, but it's so hard to think about after dedicating 7 years to it. I'm also in the UC system, but my tuition is waived and I get paid for teaching, making it easier for us to afford the nanny (she gets my entire salary!), and for me stay in the program. But, we'll see. If I could, I'd put it off until the triplets were in school.

Esther
http://www.spontaneoustriplets.com




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KristisCrew Sun May-29-11 03:26 AM
Member since Jul 19th 2005
352 posts

#483772, "RE: Who made it past 36 weeks?"
In response to Reply # 41


Hi! I didn't make it past 36 (had them at 35 scheduled) but wanted to tell you that I looked at your blog - where in MN are you from can I ask? I am also from MN.
Congrats on your pregnancy and best wishes to you with everything! You can do it (babies, phD, etc!)!!

Kristi's Crew
Leah 5/99
Bailey 7/00
Adam, Brielle & Carson 10/03
Luke 7/05



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