Feb 25 2007 MOT responds

momoftreasures
Sun Feb-25-07 02:07 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1072 posts


#258557, "RE: NTR:Just curious..."
In response to Reply # 5

Ok so POINT WELL TAKEN..... My heart is broken and if I was not numb before I am at this point.

If you all WANT ALL my information then instead of being MEAN and HURTFUL then ask... IF you would of you would be aware that EVERYTHING that has happened in the past few months is REAL.. VERY REAL.... CPS would NOT offer any services to my kids because I AM A GREAT PARENT, and I removed them from the situation. Trying being angry about this they DID NOTHING the daycare is still in OPERATION.... NICE......
It is NOT against the law to live by yourself, and I do a great job at it.. DO I HAVE A CHOICE?.....NO I started counceling a week ago.... Because I could NOT understand why all of the things in my life seems to never fall into order. I guess I am someone who expects my life to be perfect or longs for it to be. So when the bad happens it is just harder for me to deal with because I don't think it should. I mean does everyones life lack issues?
I want a better life for my kids so I work my REAR OFF.
I blame myself for everything absolutely everything, even the things I have NO control over. I am a perfectionist... This is the one true place I thought I could vent or ask for support and I thought people had the same issues....or could at least relate to crabby toddlers, sick kids, Dh that work all the time...ect the list goes on
I guess I am guilty for not posting the GOOD stuff but lately the good stuff is far and few.... Funny you stated that the bad venting posts started in 2004 I have been online since 2002... And yes I imagine they did this is the year my husband had to move us, we had to sell our house that we had just put our last 3,000 into, and move to a town in the middle of NOWHERE... No support, 3 babies at the age of 1, no husband home... IT was the hardest and scariest time of my life..and truely the sadest.. Plus Dh found out he gets laid off 4 months out of 12.. His salary SUCKS..... And in one year I have to go back to this community. But I will concour because the trio will HOPEFULLY be out of therapy, and I can work and do what I have always dreamed of doing, and support the family.... Dh can have some releif from having to work such bad hours, we can truely be a family again.... or at least rebuild what his job took away in 2004.
The main reason I moved here... We thought Dh would be moved, we truely did that is why I went back to school plus I needed support and here I have that... I guess maybe NOT enough..... Our life has been hard for the past 2 years, I have been truely miserable with our circumstances... I miss DH, I miss our BIG house, I miss the life we started to have in 2003. But I can't change anything I can only try to move on. I am doing this, with some professional help intended of course... SO since you ALL think you know everything Thanks for making me feel like a BIG LOSER... IT WORKED.... Guess I did NOT feel comforable telling EVERYONE I WAS SEEING SOMEONE.......
So for your information, I am already working on the stresses of my life. I am searching away to deal with the hurts of the past, the decisions I have made that have affected our current outcome and situations.
I guess you don't have to worry any further because everyone in my life Doctors, COuncelors, Pastors, family ect are well aware of my issues as I am not a person to hold things inside. I just thought by coming to the TC I could get a diffrent out look a triplet mom out look maybe someone who could say GEEZ I have been their, or I understand I HAVE TRIPLETS. Many of you have done this.. Sorry mine was to excessive... I am truely sorry I don't post much positive I guess I have taking most of my time dealing with myself...and neglected answering the potty questions, feeding question and nicu questions.....
I will not be posting. SO yes Jen and who every else you can be excited about that no more bad spelling. I will reserve my vents and crying for my psychologist. To bad she does not have triplets....
Yes I have support systems, I have a church that never calls, I lost my best friend over the Mandie incident she was our childrens pastors wife. I communicated with Mandy for Her to adopt her Twins. She trusted me and I broker her heart. She sent her MONEY and never got it back... ANd you think I am a fake? I have a doctors who keeps my children in therapy, constantly worries about their developmental delays. Which are all Documented as we are BACK in theraphy UGH... 2 times a week starting tomorrow. I hate this I hate the appoinments, I do it because I LOVE THEM.. The reasons for the delays has been determine due to preemie issue so IS THIS MY FAULT? SURE FEELS LIKE IT... But my psychologist is angry because I feel responsible, Well if you refused MAG woundn't you feel responsible? I could of taken it I could of kept them in longer, their delays are for MY DECisions even the decisions to HAVE THEM...

I have a husband who works 40 plus hours a week and is stuck in a 6 year federal contract, he can't leave his job because we need the federal bcbs to pay our doctor bills for therapy...
I am going to school because I am a DARN good nurse and my instructs BELIEVE IN ME... They have been with me every step of my pregnancy, they encourage me they UNDERSTAND when the world gets tough I MEAN HELLO I HAVE TRIPLETS.. They do not set the standards lower for me somedays I think they are HARDER... they understand that to do what I do I have to be very organized, dedicated, smart, and determined. I have been in this program since 2001 a LONG TIME...PS they LOVE SPELL AND GRAMMER CHECK... Maybe Jeff should install it on the forum MIGHT HELP... I guess I could cut and past from WORD.. TO MUCH TIME I HAVE TRIPLETS.
The People i care for complement me daily because I always go the extra mile to ensure I do my best.....I leave my family issues at the door....Dh and I don't feel our family life belongs in our careers.
I guess this is my downfall I just want the best for ALL... Even my self and my family....
YES I MADE THE DECISION TO be here, so SUCK IT UP AND SHUT UP I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The light is getting brighter and hopefully my psychologist can help me see it a little brighter. She did tell me last week that I need to STOP blaming my self for all the stuff that happens, like the daycare, ect.. This is stuff I can't control.... I am doing this to make it better, even though at this point it seems far off...... Wish I could conveince myself of the same
SO here I am on the one place I thought I could gain some support and am being shot to HELL...
Oh well live and learn......at least you will make my session important on Friday.

Anything else you would like!!!!

Amy