BYU49er
Mon Feb-26-07 08:30 PM
Member since Jul 20th 2005
178 posts
#259023, "Forum Suspicions"
I cannot believe the number of emails I have received today about the post I pulled this morning regarding a "suspected" faker. These kinds of questions need to be addressed by either Tiffani or myself directly and NOT ON THE FORUM. If anything needs to be posted on the forum in reference to the matter, the moderators will do that. It becomes a major problem when someone is exposed for being a faker and is not. This was the case with Amy. Damage has been done to both her and the integrity of the Triplet Connection and most importantly the value of the forum to all users that cannot be repaired or corrected.
We have said it before and will say it here publicly again -- if you suspect that there is some information on the forum that needs our attention, let us know. We will take a look at it but keep the back and forth arguments off the board.
Jeff Bleyl
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Replies to this topic
RE: Forum Suspicions, ryanjs, Feb 26th 2007, #1
RE: Forum Suspicions, Tasha, Feb 27th 2007, #2
RE: Forum Suspicions, jonib, Feb 27th 2007, #3
RE: Forum Suspicions, Grandma28, Feb 27th 2007, #4
RE: Forum Suspicions, Colette, Feb 27th 2007, #5
RE: Forum Suspicions, ryanjs, Feb 27th 2007, #6
RE: Forum Suspicions, fivenelli, Feb 27th 2007, #7
RE: Forum Suspicions, tulip, Feb 27th 2007, #14
RE: Forum Suspicions, foreveramom, Feb 27th 2007, #9
RE: Forum Suspicions, Jen., Feb 27th 2007, #10
RE: Forum Suspicions, jonib, Feb 27th 2007, #8
RE: Forum Suspicions, CindyB, Feb 27th 2007, #11
RE: Forum Suspicions, madmolly, Feb 27th 2007, #12
RE: Forum Suspicions, bsebllmom9, Feb 27th 2007, #13
RE: Forum Suspicions, tulip, Feb 27th 2007, #15
RE: Forum Suspicions, boomom, Feb 27th 2007, #17
RE: Forum Suspicions, Zaz, Feb 27th 2007, #16
RE: Forum Suspicions, madmolly, Feb 27th 2007, #18
RE: Forum Suspicions, Grandma28, Feb 27th 2007, #19
RE: Forum Suspicions, bsebllmom9, Feb 27th 2007, #20
ryanjs
Mon Feb-26-07 10:39 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
702 posts
#259070, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 0
It may not be appropriate to respond to this, but I just wanted to say thank you Jeff for this post. I was a bit taken aback by how easy it is to "accuse" people of certain behaviors or to make assumptions about someone that we don't really even know. Seeing these kinds of posts makes me feel apprehensive to post for fear that others are going to make assumptions about me. I appreciate your efforts to keep "order" on the website and I know I speak for others here when I say that we should all feel welcomed and supported here and not have concerns about what others are going to assume about us based on our posts. Thank you for encouraging us to continue to provide a supportive environment in which HOM families can seek advice and support without judgment or retribution. I understand that fakers do exist and that some people on this board have been hurt by them in the past - but your advice is very important; that suspected fakers should be reported to the moderators. Again, thank you.
Jessica
G/G/B born November 15, 2005 at 29w/4d
http://lilypie.com>
http://lilypie.com>
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Tasha
Tue Feb-27-07 10:11 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1195 posts
#259156, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 0
Jeff,
I respect that this is your board and you can pull any post you feel doesn't belong on TC. However, for the record I wanted to say that nobody was accused of being a fake in the thread in question. On the contrary, if read the thread it was stated many times they believed she did in fact have triplets.
Tasha
Julia, Megan & Alex 7/00 at 30 weeks
Abby 12/02
to order a 2007 Multiples Calendar
www.bluegrasstwinsclub.org
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jonib
Tue Feb-27-07 10:13 AM
Member since Oct 11th 2005
150 posts
#259158, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 0
To echo Tasha, what was being said mainly was if indeed we were her only support system with the overwhelming difficulties she faced on a daily basis,that she probably needed some additional assistance.
Jonib
mom to
Abby
Andy
Caroline
33 weeks 11/20/05
Rhett 9
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Grandma28
Tue Feb-27-07 10:26 AM
Member since Feb 03rd 2007
41 posts
#259164, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 0
Thanks Jeff! I was shocked when I read the first post. My heart ached for the mother. We all have crosses to bear, some more than others. Also, we must remember that we do not all handle things the same!!!!!!!!! That doesn't make one right and one wrong, it makes the world go around. If WE do not want to be judged ourselves, then we should NOT judge others! I come here as a source of hope, support and comfort to get through this trying time in our lives. Having triplets is surely one of the most trying things a person can go through. Especially healthy ones!! Not all are so lucky. It makes me afraid to post here re: how my DDIL is doing. How sad.
Barb
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Colette
Tue Feb-27-07 10:59 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
450 posts
#259181, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 4
I also agree with Tasha. I read the posts and no one questioned if she was real or fake. As a matter of fact many said that she did in fact have triplets. What does seem to be the case is that there are MANY of us who feel there is a potentially serious problem that needs to be addressed and maybe just sticking our heads in the sand and ingnoring it just isn't working anymore. It sure didn't work with the whole Mandie Clark situation...(and i'm not saying that she is a faker either). Maybe now that it's out in the open the moderators can look into this further.
Colette
AJ (6)
Dominick, Joseph & Rocco (2 1/2)
http://lilypie.com>
http://lilypie.com>
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ryanjs
Tue Feb-27-07 11:36 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
702 posts
#259197, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 5
Sorry to keep this going but I just have to say that it doesn't matter whether or not she was necessarily accused of being "fake" in the thread. It is the simple fact that people felt it was ok to "talk about" another person openly on the forum. It is one thing to send PMs to each other or even to notify the moderators about your concerns with this person but it another thing all together to call them out publicy and risk being wrong and worse inflicting further emotional pain on someone who is clearly struggling with many issues already in her life. I felt as though I was in high school again reading those posts and I just don't think it was appropriate. I will say again, as I and others have said, this kind of behavior deters people from feeling free and open to post their struggles without fear that others will "talk about them behind their back." That is not what this forum is about. Just my opinion.
Jessica
G/G/B born November 15, 2005 at 29w/4d
http://lilypie.com>
http://lilypie.com>
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fivenelli
Tue Feb-27-07 11:55 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
182 posts
#259207, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 6
I understand what you are saying, Jessica. But, as in the Mandie Clark situation, people on the board had no idea that others had also been reaching out to the current person privately and were being ignored. Think of all of the people that sent their money and used items to "Mandie" without ever really knowing that they were being taken advantage of. I'm not saying that the current person is taking advantage of anyone, but certainly that the situation with this person needs to be addressed.
I think it was Tulip who stated that she didn't want to stand by and see the children go unprotected, knowing that she should have said something sooner. If we truly want to help the parents on this board, allowing things to go on without saying anything (and I know that people had contacted the moderators - which didn't seem to change anything) was certainly not helping. There doesn't seem to be a solution that will make everyone happy and feel good about themselves. I hope at least that there is a solution that will help this family out of these dangerous situations.
Jeanne
Mommy to Frank, Grace & Sarah 1/18/02
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tulip
Tue Feb-27-07 03:59 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
5902 posts
#259315, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 7
Well yes, my concern is for the children. However, I am very saddened at how things went down. Anyone who is experiencing such desperate times as Amy would not be helped by what happened here. There is no way that publicly discussing the traumas in her life would encourage her to reach out to us.
Yes, forum participants deserve to be protected from scammers & fakers. Given the recent past and societal trends, I guess this kind of reality is going to be with us. I am glad that Mandie was outted. I wonder if we can somehow come up with a process to protect ourselves? Maybe it isn't possible? What I also wonder is how we can, as a community of triplet parents who I believe DO care for each other, help one of us if it appears something tragic is about to happen or already happening. But I don't know if it's our place to help unless help is asked for. And if help is asked for, then we have to find a way to ensure that help is needed, that we're not being scammed. But at the same time, what do we do when it's clear that something is very wrong, but we're not being asked for help? For the sake of the children, such as children who are being physically harmed (like at the daycare) or sexually abused & molested (as Amy described happened at home), aren't we bound to step in & DO SOMETHING?
I don't know. I just don't know. The reason I don't know is because this is an internet community. This isn't my neighborhood. If Amy was my neighbor I'd be there, in person. I'd know which agencies to contact for her to receive respite care & assistance. I'd know which law enforcement agencies to call. But since she is my internet neighbor, I am fairly powerless, other than prayer, of course.
Perhaps we can continue this discussion and find productive answers. I hope so. The internet has become our neighborhood, it's our friendship hall, our meeting place. We need to have a way to help our neighbors. For many of us with strong personal convictions, it's our duty to help. And we need to have a way to protect each other if we happen to discover that someone among us is a proverbial wolf in sheep's clothing.
Obviously, what happened this weekend didn't work. Okay, lesson learned. Well, I hope it's learned. This has happened before. I hope it doesn't happen again. Let's figure out some other way to handle things. I think it would be helpful for our moderators to participate in this kind of discussion, because they're more aware of the legal considerations & restrictions than we are.
Tulip & The Three Amigos
GBG born at 35w5d on December 31, 2002 - Happy New Year's Eve!!!
YES! You *can* breastfeed triplets!!!
I am a Velveteen Rabbit, and the birth, love, kisses & magic that are my children has made me Real.
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foreveramom
Tue Feb-27-07 01:32 PM
Member since Jan 30th 2006
632 posts
#259249, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 5
You are SO right, Colette. Is everyone here supposed to be an enabler? Are we supposed to just "oh, I'm so sorry you're going through this for the 258th time this year" to a person who seems to crave the sympathy of others for crisis after crisis. It just feels wrong and takes up time from those issues that truly need to be addressed on this board. Newbies (those with just 35 or so posts) fall prey to those seemingly-manufactured crisis situations and then they comment on the injustice of it all when they have no background. Once again, not productive to this forum.
Lesa
Mom to: Kristi - 20, USAF, wife & mom **Kevin - 18, a Chemical Engineering Honor Student at USF **Kelli - 16, Principal's Honor Roll student **Angus - 4, beautiful redhead **Ruca, Nadia, Max - 2, GGB triplets www.angusandthetriplets.com
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Jen.
Tue Feb-27-07 02:08 PM
Member since Sep 28th 2005
112 posts
#259262, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 9
I think enabling is the perfect word for what is happening here. Everyone thinks that as long as we are all "nice" then everything will be okay, the reality is that in some situations it will make things worse and in this case...much worse.
When things get swept under the rug (again) frustrations will only increase and eventually upstanding members of this community will leave. Maybe the disclaimer at the bottom should say something about not caring about the frustrations of the members and how everyone is just supposed to keep thier mouth shut??? Unless you have the 258th tragedy of the day that is....then feel free to speak up.
Jen
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jonib
Tue Feb-27-07 12:06 PM
Member since Oct 11th 2005
150 posts
#259211, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 0
It kind of goes with my question on another post. I understand this is a support forum, however when it appears that someone has such major crisis it is not unfair to question if they have additional support and/or resources to enable them to deal with these problems in addition to the virtual world we have here.
I guess I'll ask again here...is this board meant to be a "hang in there you are doing a great job mamma" at all times, or is it ok to raise a concern when there appears to be a serious problem?
If I know the rules I will comply...for people to get "hurt feelings" or feel "flamed" sounds crazy to me. This is the internet people...get some tough skin. If we can come on here as moms with different issues and have lively debate on topics we throw questions out about don't we all walk away with something??
We will not all agree on everything as previously stated, however, I can get "fake support" from people who don't understand having triplets...when I come here I want the real deal. See Tulips reply to my post re "Abby's at it again"...hurt feelings? no, honesty from another poster with good intentions and ideas for me to try.
Jonib
mom to
Abby
Andy
Caroline
33 weeks 11/20/05
Rhett 9
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CindyB
Tue Feb-27-07 02:35 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
300 posts
#259271, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 0
I don't post often, but I browse frequently since 2004 and I was even noticing an alarming trend in her posts.
Several months ago I recall her starting a post about her myspace page. I hit the link and was shocked by all the details she had about her kids. She had enough info for someone to track her down in 5 minutes and anyone would know enough about her life to easily convice her kids that they knew them. Now granted, I could just be a paranoid person, but I posted to her on her thread here that she might want to be careful about exposing so much on there as I now had all kinds of info about her as does anyone who goes to her page and she doesn't know if everyone has good intentions. She became all dramatic and said now she had a stalker because of what I said. I just rolled my eyes and haven't posted to her since.
Considering the content of her posts since then, she either needs to become more paranoid or less dramatic, I am not sure which, but I feel that her posts were escalating to a point were any true friend would need to have a heart to heart with her if all she posts about is true. I am not sure how mean the pulled posts became, but it seems fair to ask with compassion at some point. How many times in the news do we hear of stories were someone needs to step in, but no one ever did and everone says "Someone should have done something.". At what point do we have to ask the difficult questions or risk becoming silent bystanders to something that truly needed attention?
Cindy
Paul and Andrew
Kristen, Rachel and Michael
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madmolly
Tue Feb-27-07 03:15 PM
Member since Oct 07th 2005
1195 posts
#259294, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 0
You are all correct that Amy was not labeled a faker in that pulled post. In fact, there was specific mention that she was not a faker. That is a moot point.
It would be a gross exaggeration to state that the original post, and those that followed, were intended to "support" Amy or aide in her difficulties. Seriously. Starting a post "Munchausen by internet" and then attacking Amy's grammar or spelling as it relates to her chosen career and calling her (at best) an exaggerator or (at worst) a liar is well beyond wanting to offer support. In fact, if she is truly unstable, then the demise of her "support" outlet could have catastrophic ramifications.
Playing armchair psychologist is inappropriate. Name-calling is inappropriate. Resulting in vigilante justice is inappropriate. The Mandie Clark fiasco was investigated then addressed by the moderators and a public announcement was made to ensure the integrity of the board and the protection of it's members. It is a stretch to correlate that situation with this witch-hunt regarding the validity of the outrageous stories contained in Amy’s posts.
I split the bitch between newbie and veteran. I have seen my share of drama on this board (as I am usually involved in it! LOL!). However, for the post (and the others related to it) to have been allowed to remain would have contributed to the demise of this support group as a whole. That's not to say that healthy debate is unacceptable. Although, the gang-up style of attack that occurred on one member is unacceptable. Right, wrong, or indifferent, the post should have been pulled. Kudos to Jeff and his team.
All that said, I didn't see a post from the moderators stating whether or not there is cause for concern about Amy's mental stability or her extremely complicated life. Now that we have completed this exercise (Thank you Tasha for having the guts to bring this concern to everyone's attention), is someone following up with her? Munchausen or not, liar or not, someone should check in on her to ensure that further damage was not done.
Lea
bgg 1/22/06 @ 28.3 weeks
g 6/04 @ 34 weeks
g 7/99
g 6/97
www.thewaywardstork.com
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bsebllmom9
Tue Feb-27-07 03:18 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1962 posts
#259296, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 12
Well let's hope Lauren is doing that for us all...
Michelle
Ty~1-2-91~ 16
Steph~11-19-92~ 14
Ayden, Ryley, Dylan~33wk2d~11-16-04~ 2
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aydenryleydylan/
http://www.walkamerica.org/stuckeytriplets
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tulip
Tue Feb-27-07 04:04 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
5902 posts
#259317, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 12
"All that said, I didn't see a post from the moderators stating whether or not there is cause for concern about Amy's mental stability or her extremely complicated life. Now that we have completed this exercise (Thank you Tasha for having the guts to bring this concern to everyone's attention), is someone following up with her? Munchausen or not, liar or not, someone should check in on her to ensure that further damage was not done. "
AMEN TO THAT! Please, can we check on her? Is she okay? Are her children okay?
Tulip & The Three Amigos
GBG born at 35w5d on December 31, 2002 - Happy New Year's Eve!!!
YES! You *can* breastfeed triplets!!!
I am a Velveteen Rabbit, and the birth, love, kisses & magic that are my children has made me Real.
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boomom
Tue Feb-27-07 04:38 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1300 posts
#259338, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 15
>
>AMEN TO THAT! Please, can we check on her? Is she okay? Are
>her children okay?
Tulip,
That is my concern with this whole mess. Because TC is a support organization for expecting parents and for parents with HOM's is there any way that her welfare can be inquired upon?
Gina
G 12yo
BGG(Down Syndrome)9yo
"You will know sorrow like few others and yet you will know joy above joy. You will meet dirty faced angels on playgrounds who are kind to your child without being told to be." Susan F. Rzucidlo
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Zaz
Tue Feb-27-07 04:33 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
719 posts
#259337, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 12
Wait a minute. I am little confused. Are you changing your tune, Lea? If I remember correctly, I believe you were part of the stand up comedy routine of purposely misspelling words in several posts to mock Amy and garner a few laughs.
Now, you're giving kudos to Jeff and his team for pulling the inappropriate posts in which you were involved?
Is this post your apology for being part of the gang who posted the gang-up style of attacks?
Lisa
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madmolly
Tue Feb-27-07 04:55 PM
Member since Oct 07th 2005
1195 posts
#259352, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 16
I actually posted that I thought the girls were just being mean and picking on her. Then I posted if drama was the concern, I could match her drama with my posts. I even stated that I should be labeled right along with her as many of my posts are also vents. (Granted not about abusive daycares, mystery illnesses, and child molestation, but still..I have my drama!) Additionally, I said that it had turned into the mob mentality and was no long an intervention as it appeared was intended by the original poster.
LOL! I did joke around in an effort to lighten the mood of the thread, as is my way. However, I did not poke fun at Amy. I was making fun of Jen, who made a personal attack on grammar and spelling. Aparently, that was lost on you.
I have not changed my tune and I make no apologies.
Lea
bgg 1/22/06 @ 28.3 weeks
g 6/04 @ 34 weeks
g 7/99
g 6/97
www.thewaywardstork.com
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Grandma28
Tue Feb-27-07 04:59 PM
Member since Feb 03rd 2007
41 posts
#259356, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 16
Not sure where I should respond here, but a quick note, Amy emailed me this morning after I posted a thank you for pulling the post. She thanked me for the post, and is very hurt. I know I am NEW here and don't know what many of you do. But, I do have much life experience. And, we all know we don't want to feel as if we're being attacked.
Amy still reads these threads, why not reach out to her yourselves? Whether you live where she lives or not, you can offer support in many ways.
As triplet moms you all have huge hearts, open them in the right way.
If you don't want to be involved so be it. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Grandma Barb
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bsebllmom9
Tue Feb-27-07 05:04 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1962 posts
#259360, "RE: Forum Suspicions"
In response to Reply # 19
Lesa tried that and she was attacked for it....
Michelle
Ty~1-2-91~ 16
Steph~11-19-92~ 14
Ayden, Ryley, Dylan~33wk2d~11-16-04~ 2
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aydenryleydylan/
http://www.walkamerica.org/stuckeytriplets
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