feistylioness78
Fri Apr-17-09 12:55 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
825 posts
#416938, "I want to WORK sooo Bad."
I wish the economy was not so messed up. I want to work so bad and make R and stay at home parent. I took my car in yesterday and decided to stay and wait for it instead of having him get me. I got a lot of crap from him. I left at 12 and came home at 6. So he had to take J to school with the baby. He always acts like it is so hard to get the baby out of the car. I do it all the time. He was supposed see Bren but of course that is too hard for him also. I had him meet me at the hospital the other day so he can take baby home so I can go to store. I had to wait until he was ready to go because it was too hard to take baby to car by himself. He won't help with appts or therapy.
When I got home he was playing the I did everything today act. I about lost it. I made him give baby a bath and he about threw a fit. He thinks being a parent is just being here but there is so much more. He can't be a kid anymore. He can't play video games all day and so on. He only works three days a week and I get the "I went to work what did you do all day?"
I sent resumes out but I been out of work for 3 years. I need it for my sanity. How do you get a dad to be a dad?
Our little angel
^Alex Joseph^ 1.2
(11-4/11-5)
Brennan Matthew 1.3
Christian Jacob 2.4
Born 11/04/07
Big brother Justin 8/04
http://www.myspace.com/346442072
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Replies to this topic
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., ashleydeeann, Apr 17th 2009, #1
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., k3triplets, Apr 17th 2009, #2
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., kylamel, Apr 17th 2009, #4
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., welshkin, Apr 17th 2009, #3
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., feistylioness78, Apr 18th 2009, #5
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Triplet Mommy, Apr 18th 2009, #6
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., welshkin, Apr 18th 2009, #7
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Rick-Carole, Apr 18th 2009, #8
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., TiffaniRay, Apr 18th 2009, #9
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., feistylioness78, Apr 18th 2009, #10
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., TiffaniRay, Apr 18th 2009, #11
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Tasha, Apr 18th 2009, #12
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., feistylioness78, Apr 19th 2009, #15
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Tasha, Apr 19th 2009, #24
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., MSTAR, Apr 19th 2009, #13
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., feistylioness78, Apr 19th 2009, #14
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., TiffaniRay, Apr 19th 2009, #16
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., feistylioness78, Apr 19th 2009, #17
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., TiffaniRay, Apr 19th 2009, #18
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., madmolly, Apr 19th 2009, #19
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., kylamel, Apr 19th 2009, #20
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., joytimesthree, Apr 20th 2009, #30
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Megan Welfare, Apr 19th 2009, #21
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Katrina_Jason, Apr 19th 2009, #22
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., 3petes, Apr 19th 2009, #23
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., DebM, Apr 20th 2009, #25
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., kylamel, Apr 20th 2009, #26
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., 4kds4me, Apr 20th 2009, #27
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Agapi, Apr 20th 2009, #28
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., CindyB, Apr 20th 2009, #29
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Karens5girls, Apr 20th 2009, #31
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Jessicaplus3, Apr 20th 2009, #32
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., sandsstone, Apr 20th 2009, #33
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., MandieSue76, Apr 21st 2009, #40
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Rick-Carole, Apr 21st 2009, #34
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., hardentriplets, Apr 21st 2009, #35
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., LRB, Apr 21st 2009, #36
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., Agapi, Apr 21st 2009, #37
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., cat_lover, Apr 21st 2009, #38
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., joy of three, Apr 21st 2009, #39
RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad., LolasLadies, Apr 21st 2009, #41
ashleydeeann
Fri Apr-17-09 01:00 PM
Member since May 18th 2008
732 posts
#416940, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
You cant make anyone be a dad. Been there done that years ago. Sometimes kids are truly better off without a dad in their life.
You just have to decided if you fall into that catagory.
~Ashley~
Mommy to the six K's!
Keegan, Kyler, Kenzington and our trio Kaden,Kali and Kobe
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k3triplets
Fri Apr-17-09 01:43 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
653 posts
#416952, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
Hi Valerie,
I'm sorry but pp is right. You can't make someone be a good parent. But YOU can be a good parent and make choices about your actions. Single parenting is tough, but it can be done well and single parenting with 1 good parent is a million times better than doing it poorly w/ someone else.
I know advice is easy to give, but I have followed your posts on here over the past year and I think the truth is that you just are going to have to look honestly at your options and make choices for yourself. It's easy to blame others or wait for someone else to come in a fix things, but it just doesn't work that way.
Susanne
gbg @ 31.6
5/2006
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kylamel
Fri Apr-17-09 05:50 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
2089 posts
#416996, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 2
HOw about working on yourself to be the best parent and in doing so you will find out that if this "dad" is a loser then it is time for him to hit the bricks.
No finger pointing or blame to be placed here.. Step up, get a job provide for your own children and keep it moving!!!
Melanie
BGB born at 32 weeks in 2005
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welshkin
Fri Apr-17-09 02:51 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
311 posts
#416980, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
The economy does bite, but personally it's not at fault for my current financial position. I am in control of our spending and I know it's my fault not the economy's. Everyone is struggling, even those that have a savings account.
If Dad does not want to be a Dad you need to take a long hard look at what he does what. If he still wants someone to take the place of his Mother, maybe he needs to find someone that will do that for him. You have your children now to think about and they NEED you. They have no other advocate it's only you. Forcing him to bath the baby is punishing the baby and it's not fair to him. Someone made because they have to bath the child is not going to be very nice during the bath, they are going to take it out on the person needing the bath.
If he wants to play the "what did you today" tell him to grow up! Who cares what who did??? If it needs done do it, that's what makes a relationship work. You do things because they need done and if one person is busy today maybe tomorrow they will be able to do some chores the other person can't. It all evens out. Keeping score of who did what is a immature.
Hope you are able to get some things worked out and I'm sure Target or a gas station will hire. I know I have worked at both. You don't get to be choosey when the milk needs to be purchased. Just be proud you are doing a job that is bringing food to your families table. Don't make your three year job search turn to four.
Sarah
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feistylioness78
Sat Apr-18-09 10:58 AM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
825 posts
#417071, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 3
Thanks for the advice. I able to provided for myself and the boys without working due to my inheritance, however I would like to work. I need an outlet and I need adult interaction. I about went nuts without internet for three months. I stay at home for C because that is where C needs me for.
I can get a job but do I want C to be with his dad all day? I hope that that if I get a job that it will teach R about responsiblity. He needs to be a parent especially to his own son. His mom helped he a lot after his wife left. His mom lived across the lawn. So he never had J all the time. I don't think he had any clue what raising a child was like until I came into the picture and grandma backed out.
J's behavior has gotten better but it is still very frustrating. We have home start involved that helps to enhance the relationship. Nothing will work if R does not be a dad instead of a friend. J needs boundaries, because he has never had any. He thinks throwing a fit will get him is way.
R and I are working on our relationship but we have both admitted we are a still together for the children. Although, I have issues with J I don't want to be another woman who leaves him. I can care for C myself since I have from the beginning and take care of Bren when he comes. I am a good mommy. I love my boys.
R would not be able to handle staying at home with the boys. He thinks it is easy. R actually told me the other day he wa leaving. I was willing to open the door to help him go out it. He doesn't have the means to support J on his own. I have been supported us.
I hope this made sense. If it didn't then I apoligize.
Our little angel
^Alex Joseph^ 1.2
(11-4/11-5)
Brennan Matthew 1.3
Christian Jacob 2.4
Born 11/04/07
Big brother Justin 8/04
http://www.myspace.com/346442072
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Triplet Mommy
Sat Apr-18-09 12:59 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
3039 posts
#417078, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 5
I think at any point of being a parent we can all feel like we do it all and the other does not appreciate us fully. For others not only do they feel this way but it's true. Only you know the situation and details to know where you all fall for sure. If you find yourself just thinking it's that way when things are strained then it's time to get together and have a chat on what you expect from each other and listen carefully to your husband. It's easy to get caught up in the "I do it all" emotions.
If it's the latter and he truly does not participate as a loving father and is involved with the kids seek out professional help to repair the marriage. Life as a single parent is no easy task, and at times heartbreaking. It's not like you get away from this guy anyways. He's the one that will share holidays and weekends with your children and you will have no input on what he does when you're not around. I hope you two can work this out for the kids sake. Your family has a lot on it's plate so you'll need to work harder to keep things sane.
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welshkin
Sat Apr-18-09 02:44 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
311 posts
#417085, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I know you feel like you are all J has, but he does still have a grandmother. And no matter what type of person she is she sounds like she will step back in the picture if you aren't there to take care of him. You are not responsible for the child. The hardest part is going to be letting go, but you have to put your kids first. They are your responsibility. If J still wants you to be part of his life make it happen. Set limits with how long you are with R during drop off and pick up of J.
It's not going to be an easy road no matter what you decide and I think you already know that. If you are wanting an outlet a GREAT group is MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). This is for pregnant women and for Mothers of children from 0-Kindergarten age. If you have a pre-conceived idea of this group let it go and find a group near you to attend at least one get together. They are a mountain of support and everyone needs that. If you have already attended and don't get along with the ladies in the group, find something you like to be a part of. I have attended studies at churches I don't attend because I knew the studies would benefit my family.
Look for new friends. Have you ever heard the saying "Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver the other is gold."? As you enter diffent stages of your life you will need friends who are going through the same stage to help get you through. It may not happen overnight. Frienships take time and effort to develop, but are worth all of that.
Best of luck and it really sounds like you would be much better off without R in your life right now.
Sarah
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Rick-Carole
Sat Apr-18-09 03:29 PM
Member since Oct 30th 2008
129 posts
#417094, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
Hi Valerie,
I've also read (and responded to a couple) of your posts in the other forums here at Triplet Talk. So much of the advice others have given in this post is so very 'to-the-point'.
We can't change someone else. In fact, the more we focus on doing that.... the less we are able to be productive ourselves. I've read comments like, "men are all the same", but that is far from the truth. There are a lot of loving and nurturing and helpful fathers here. I wish more than anything that your children's father was one of them, and most of all that he would simply grow up and get some maturity.
At the same time, your difficulties in dealing with him, (and his lack in a sense of responsibility).... is going to wear off on your children. Kids are like sponges, they absorb everything they see and hear. Kids love both parents and don't tend to see the weaknesses, but they do see and hear what is said between them, and about them. And that's not very fair to them.
The hardest thing to do is learning to accept that we cannot change someone. Believe me, I understand your desire to do so. It's a natural wish of every mother that she has a husband who does all the right things (or in your case, at least half the things he should do). But as others have said here, your demeanor, and your ability to accept this situation is something so very important, and when you are able to deal with it calmly and collectively..... it will be like a new freedom for you. (I'm not overly-religious, but for some reason I think of the "serenity prayer" that was always on the wall at home when I was a kid. It didn't make sense back then, but now it really does).
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Rick (& Carole)
BBG at 33 weeks and counting
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TiffaniRay
Sat Apr-18-09 08:27 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
4087 posts
#417120, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I usually don't reply to your dilemma's (sp?) but you have me confused on this. You stated in another post:
"My mortage is too much and I can't work because of the boys special needs."
But yet you just said you don't need to work due to inheritance but I recall you saying you qualify & receive SSI??? I would watch what you say on here (or any other public board) when you are receiving income from the government. I've seen one too many people get it taken away cause of something they posted. It opens many windows for IRS agents to audit you.
Your inheritance is from a life insurance policy correct?
Tiffani & Ray(NJ)
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feistylioness78
Sat Apr-18-09 09:04 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
825 posts
#417127, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 9
Sat Apr-18-09 09:06 PM by feistylioness78
I did a short sell and I am renting a bigger place for less that I was paying before. They know about my monthly payments and right now C isn't getting SSI until Bren comes home and yes the boys do qualify for SSI do to there needs. I can't go reapply right now because we get dinged for having our income tax money in the bank. C does not have medi-cal right now because we are a whopping $75 over income limit. Bren gets it all because he is still in an institution so income does not matter.
What I meant about economy is that there are so many people out of work that there will be a lot of competion for the same position and I will be up against new graduated from my field.
Our little angel
^Alex Joseph^ 1.2
(11-4/11-5)
Brennan Matthew 1.3
Christian Jacob 2.4
Born 11/04/07
Big brother Justin 8/04
http://www.myspace.com/346442072
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TiffaniRay
Sat Apr-18-09 10:02 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
4087 posts
#417133, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 10
>I did a short sell and I am renting a bigger place for less
>that I was paying before. They know about my monthly payments
>and right now C isn't getting SSI until Bren comes home and
>yes the boys do qualify for SSI do to there needs. I can't go
>reapply right now because we get dinged for having our income
>tax money in the bank. C does not have medi-cal right now
>because we are a whopping $75 over income limit. Bren gets it
>all because he is still in an institution so income does not
>matter.
>
>What I meant about economy is that there are so many people
>out of work that there will be a lot of competion for the same
>position and I will be up against new graduated from my
>field.
HUH?!?
Tiffani & Ray(NJ)
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Tasha
Sat Apr-18-09 11:03 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1992 posts
#417139, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 11
I second that huh? I thought the money was gone. that was the reason she couldn't refinance back in Sept and asked about delibratly allowing a house going into foreclosure. She said she was able to get a loan for her house because she had a large sum of money in the bank and was looking for a job. But the money was gone and she wasn't able to get a job because of all the apts the boys had. Was there another inheritance after Sept?
As for the original question if the job is only "for your sanity" why would you want to leave your children with someone who obviously resents it and you have to force to step up as a parent? Is that in the best interest of your children? Now if you are going to go get a sanity job and find better child care I am all for it. But it sounds like leaving them with him is leaving them in an unfit environment.
Tasha
Julia, Megan and Alex 7/00
Abby 12/02
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feistylioness78
Sun Apr-19-09 03:30 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
825 posts
#417207, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 12
The condo went up for short sale. The payments were too much. My next door neighbor bought it. Therefore I avoided foreclosure. I couldn't refinance because I was not employed and I already had a low rate. What I get a month pays for the rent and bills and what little bit R makes takes are of the rest. But all this is besides the point. I want a job.
Our little angel
^Alex Joseph^ 1.2
(11-4/11-5)
Brennan Matthew 1.3
Christian Jacob 2.4
Born 11/04/07
Big brother Justin 8/04
http://www.myspace.com/346442072
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Tasha
Sun Apr-19-09 11:32 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1992 posts
#417270, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 15
Sun Apr-19-09 11:36 PM by Tasha
I know you had avoided foreclosure but you fought that idea well here on TC. I am just really confused about the whole inheritance thing. The story on that just seems to change over time. I even went back and looked through some of your old posts just for sh*ts and giggles. Depending on the post you bought your condo with a down payment from inheritance, which was in March 2007. Then another post your family was holding up your inheritance for over a year and you were in danger of loosing your home to foreclosure(posted a month before your babies were born in Oct 2007) but couldn't get any assistance for your family. Then you turn around again in Feb saying you didn't work at all in 2007, even before you were PG, because you were living off your inheritance payments. But then again when posting about the possibility of foreclosure (the SECOND TIME) in Sept 2008 you said you couldn't refinance because you had only gotten the loan because you had come into a large sum of money at the time you bought it and were looking for a job. and that money was all gone and you were to broke to refinance. Now we are back to inheritance payments. Which I guess took some time off when you need to ask for freebies from members here on TC since you were getting them in 2007 but not after the kids were born and needed stuff and had no money, boyfriend lost his job and you had no job and medical and other agencies were all dragging their heals and you couldn't get help. but the payments are back it looks like. Good for you!
Your stories on so many things change over time. And your ability to dodge direct questions is indisputable. When it comes to money you are flat broke when you need to be. But have to much money when it suits your story to add more drama. And how many people quit their jobs when working on your case, miss file papers, or other clerical errors causing you major issues? Your paper pusher issues only pale in comparison to the major incompetence of any medical staff dealing if your children. OMG Reading your posts (and these are the ones that haven't been deleted. I still have some of those too though) in succession and it is unreal. I just don't know if I should think you just like the attention from manufactured drama or you have some persecution complex or ....well I am still not convinced there isn't another or.
Tasha
Julia, Megan and Alex 7/00
Abby 12/02
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MSTAR
Sun Apr-19-09 12:28 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
2666 posts
#417143, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I wasn't going to respond to this thread, but the fact you said your child is in an "institution" and still gets insurance made me see red. If DAD won't take care of the child you have at home now, how will he take care of the other baby IF AND WHEN he gets to come home? If I were you, the only thought I'd have in my head was how I was going to get my baby home. My baby who has lived all of his life in a hospital or convalescent home. How does working fit into getting your baby home?
So the question should be, how do you get a mom to be a mom?
Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d
Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005
www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com
Tired of looking haggard, like you have too many kids?
www.michelesmineralmakeup.com
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feistylioness78
Sun Apr-19-09 03:27 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
825 posts
#417205, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 13
Bren can't come unless we have enough people to provide 24 hr care. Nursing is supposed to supply 16 of those hours. If we had family support and people to do the training and take shifts then he would have been home a long time ago. They will not send a baby home on a vent unless the parents have nursing or other people to help. We don't know when Bren will get nursing again. It took almost 7 months the last time. The nurses have to be vent certified. Therefore I have time to get a job while we wait for nursing and Bren can come home for visits.
The condo went up for short sale. The payments were too much. My next door neighbor bought it. Therefore I avoided foreclosure.
Our little angel
^Alex Joseph^ 1.2
(11-4/11-5)
Brennan Matthew 1.3
Christian Jacob 2.4
Born 11/04/07
Big brother Justin 8/04
http://www.myspace.com/346442072
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TiffaniRay
Sun Apr-19-09 04:53 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
4087 posts
#417216, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 14
You need to sit down, take a breath & look at your situation.
You want a job.
You don't need the money.
You have an inheritance.
You couldn't afford your condo.
You need to be home for your baby(ies).
You're bored.
I know you didn't say that exactly but as an outsider looking in, you don't make sense. If you can afford everything & live comfy, why not stay home with your children? They need their Mommy the most right now. Instead of wanting a job, how about going out & taking all the free classes or even the ones you have to pay for, after all you don't need the money, to help you get certified on the vent. Don't tell me you can't cause you're not a nurse cause the woman down the block from me did it.
It's like in one ear out the other with you. You only come to the board when you want sympathy. Seriously, have you thought about pitching a reality show? I would much rather watch yours than Octomom's.
Tiffani & Ray(NJ)
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feistylioness78
Sun Apr-19-09 04:57 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
825 posts
#417218, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 16
Money doesn't last forever. The monthly payments run out in 2011. I am not asking for sympathy. I don't need to take classes I will be trained on Bren's vent by the company providing it. I already have a degree so I have no plans on going back to school.
Our little angel
^Alex Joseph^ 1.2
(11-4/11-5)
Brennan Matthew 1.3
Christian Jacob 2.4
Born 11/04/07
Big brother Justin 8/04
http://www.myspace.com/346442072
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TiffaniRay
Sun Apr-19-09 05:12 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
4087 posts
#417221, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 17
WHY DO WE BOTHER? YOU HAVE THE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING!!!
Tiffani & Ray(NJ)
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madmolly
Sun Apr-19-09 05:18 PM
Member since Oct 07th 2005
2659 posts
#417222, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I know I am deviating from your original post, but I remain so utterly confused as to why that little boy isn't home yet that I can't properly address your post.
You said: "If we had family support and people to do the training and take shifts then he would have been home a long time ago."
Ummm...what about you? Aren't you the mom? Why do you need family support in order for your son to come home? Why is that a requirement? 24 hour nursing I can understand. But, you live in a MAJOR city, with an abundance of medical workers, what in the world is the problem? Why the hold up?
Do you have legal custody of your child? Why are you not in the drivers seat here? Why are you not steering the ship?
Fiesty, you don't need a job, you need your child home!!! I would LIVE on the phone. Who can I call? How can I get my little guy home with me? How do I get the nursing situation managed? I would LIVE at the hospital with my son. You should be the busiest person on earth, running back and forth between your son at home and your son at the hospital. Thank God for that inheritence. I would be speaking with attorneys. I would be conferencing with hosptial administration and their legal department. I would be in touch with social services. I would be seeking out every training class offered to me. I would be posting ads for nurses. OH GOOD LORD, I WOULD BE THE BUSIEST MANIAC MOMMY EVER!!!
A job? No, momma. You need to step up in your home life. You need a handle on your son's situation. You need to pull up for both your sons. You need to started enacting a little self-help.
Put your victim hat away and find your big girl panties!!!
WAKE UP! Your son's life is passing you by. Your priorities are totally out of whack. You have got to get it together.
You don't need a job, you need a clue.
Lea
BGG 28.3 weekers
http://mccarthymayhem.blogspot.com/
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kylamel
Sun Apr-19-09 06:48 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
2089 posts
#417231, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 19
Sun Apr-19-09 06:51 PM by kylamel
Yeah.. what Lea said!!!
Melanie
BGB born at 32 weeks in 2005
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joytimesthree
Mon Apr-20-09 01:07 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1275 posts
#417393, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 19
A.M.E.N.
monica
BBG (1/21/05) at 36 weeks
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Megan Welfare
Sun Apr-19-09 07:07 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
5399 posts
#417233, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I was a CPA in my former life. I wore a fancy business suit and heels every day. I felt important! I often think that would LOVE to go back to work. Repeating myself 8000 times a day is just mind-numbing. I feel like my brain is turning to mush.
But I have kids that have special needs. Caring for them HAS to be my number one priority. There is NO ONE in the world that I trust to make sure that every one of my kids does every single therapy exercise every single day. I do that. There is no one in the world who cares as much as I do about my kids eating nutrious food. So I do that. Making sure each child gets some one-on-one time each day? Making sure that the values that I care about are instilled in my kids? Making sure that each child is read to each day? That's me!
I could find a lot of people who could fulfill their basic needs. But I could never find someone who is totally dedicated to making sure that they are absolutely the best that they can be the way I am.
Being a mom is about making sacrifices. If I had all typical kids, I probably wouldn't think twice about putting them in daycare. If we really needed the money and couldn't get by without it, I would put them in daycare. But given that I have the option, I HAVE to sacrifice my own wants and needs to do what my kids need me to do. It's what being a mom is all about.
Given that you don't feel confident that your SO is really stepping up as a dad to absolutely give your child everything he can, and given that financially you have the option to stay at home, you need to consider putting your own wants and desires aside for now. There will be time when your kids go off to school for you to fulfill your own needs.
BGG born 4/25/05 at 31w1d
New baby girl born 9/19/06
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Katrina_Jason
Sun Apr-19-09 09:22 PM
Member since Apr 29th 2008
855 posts
#417254, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I have never replied to any of your posts, I have read them, I have read the replies that you do get...and have even thought people were way harsh to you.
I am starting to get another thought now....you post every so often in some drama that though different in some ways are all pretty much the same crap over and over.
Have you been to counseling, do you have Munchausen by proxy or some form of attention seeking mental illness. Just seems like you have all this stuff going on in about 20 different directions,
every post leads us to believe your son is going to be home soon yet it's going on a YEAR and a HALF and you are still making the same claims. I don't get what is taking so long...16 hours of nursing and 8 hours of mothers care = 24 hours so why is he not home...don't hand me the crap about having two other children, they have allowed OctoMom to have her babies. Something is really fishy here, and maybe (I am sorry to say) your son is better off in the hospital and not in his mothers "care"....hmm wonder if the hospital thinks the same.
Get yourself together...you sound like a real mess.
http://lilypie.com>
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3petes
Sun Apr-19-09 10:33 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1276 posts
#417259, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 22
Here Here, Katrina. I've been thinking this and sometimes saying it for about a year and a half.
Feisty, yeah, it's getting old, especially if the nice people on the board are getting sick of you.
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DebM
Mon Apr-20-09 08:01 AM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1193 posts
#417293, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I usually "run" from your posts because I don't want to "type" without thinking. It's better for me to walk away from the keyboard and take a breath. But not this time.
Fiesty, do you really want Bren home? I don't think you do. I think you are passive about it because it's easier for him to be somewhere else than at home with you. You know how much harder it would be having him there with the extra care he would require.
I can't speak for every mom on here, but I'll bet 99.9 % of us would move heaven and hell to get our baby home. There is no excuse for it taking 1 1/2 years of obstacles standing in your way. It's really quite ridiculous.
I feel so sorry for this little baby boy who is spending his life in an "institution" as you put it. In one of your other posts you said you didn't like him being in in the convalescent center because he doesn't get the attention and he just stares at the ceiling. My God, what is wrong with you? This baby has spent his whole life living in a home WITHOUT the love and nurture of a family. It's pathetic.
If you are not going to step up to the plate ( not a month from now, not 6 months from now) but NOW and fix it so he can come home, you need to turn him over to a loving family who will hold him, sing to him, and LOVE him. How many times have you seen him the last 1 1/2 years? Once a week, twice a month? It's just so sad.
The LAST thing you should be wanting right now is a job. Every thought you should have should be about your children. You've got one home, now spend the rest of your thoughts and energy on bringing the other one home, not on wanting a job! Do what it takes. If you have 2 extra minutes at home, get on the phone. Start the process of what needs to happen. Move heaven and hell,Fiesty. Bren deserves nothing less.
Luke- 4lb,12oz
Wade - 3lb,4oz
Zoe - 5lb,2oz
Born at 34 weeks
http://3giggles.blogspot.com
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kylamel
Mon Apr-20-09 08:38 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
2089 posts
#417310, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 25
WOW.. reading this reply DEBM made me cry!
YOU ARE SPOT ON MAMA!!!
Melanie
BGB born at 32 weeks in 2005
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4kds4me
Mon Apr-20-09 08:39 AM
Member since Mar 29th 2007
808 posts
#417311, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
As other posters have said, sit down and think about this. Do you really want to leave your children with someone who is obviously not willing to be a Dad to his children? Especially if it's not a financial necessity that you work?
My dd recently had surgery and will not be finishing out the rest of the school year. I work a measly 10 hours per week and have been off since the first week of March. I want to go back to work in the worst way, but didn't think I would be going back until summer. I was bummed because I enjoy those 10 hours per week. Well, dh is rearranging his work schedule to stay home w/dd while I go back to work! Why? Because I think he sees that I am about to go bats and because he WANTS to spend time with dd!
http://www.carepages.com/carepages/KatieBoo
***If you are interested in viewing Katie's Carepage, pm me your info!***
"You don't really know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have!!!"
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Agapi
Mon Apr-20-09 12:20 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
513 posts
#417371, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I have never replied to your posts, but I also couldn't sit back on this one. I actually felt horrible to read that one of your babies (a year and half later) is still in the hospital. I have never really followed too many of your posts, but my heart goes out to the baby at the hospital for 1 1/2 yrs.!!!!!!!!!!! Get him home ASAP!! That should be your ONLY Job!! He needs love, he needs to be held, be at home with his siblings, in a homey loving enviroment- not some stale, cold hospital!
I mean this with no disrespect as I do not know your situation, but GET IT TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!
Agapi
Proud Mommy of
Kaden, Rowen, Kai
BGB 03-22-05
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CindyB
Mon Apr-20-09 12:38 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
493 posts
#417378, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I wish this post was titled "I want my baby home soooo bad!"
As for your partner. You knew that he wasn't a Dad to the son he had prior to your relationship. The real question is "Why would you then go and have kids with him?" You can't make him be a parent and it shouldn't suprise you that he isn't one. Either you live with it or you chose to focus on pareting your babies and drop the big kid in your life.
Cindy
Paul and Andrew
Kristen, Rachel and Michael
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Karens5girls
Mon Apr-20-09 01:14 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
773 posts
#417396, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
So many moms here have the same opinion. LISTEN/READ WHAT WE ARE SAYING!!! This is the truth. Your children need YOU! That is what happens when you choose to have children. YOU have to take care of them.
Listen, the longer B stays in the hospital, the worse he will be. He NEEDS to be socialized at home. He NEEDS to bond with you (or someone loving). HE NEEDS TO BOND!!! Look up Reactive Attachment Disorder. Girlfriend, if there is something psychological that you don't want, this disorder is it! I know a mom that has 2 girls and they have RAD, but are quite opposite of each other. No matter how much therapy she does with them, they are a mess and so is their entire family.
DO SOMETHING SELFLESS (not selfish) CHOOSE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM OR ALLOW YOUR RIGHTS TO BE TERMINATED SO SOMEONE CAN GIVE HIM THE LOVE HE NEEDS!
really.....
Karen
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Jessicaplus3
Mon Apr-20-09 01:38 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1061 posts
#417406, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 31
I hardly ever respond to you but this I couldn't resist.
You blame EVERYONE for your issues, take a look in the mirror. YOU and YOU alone are the only one who can fix them. Pick yourself up by your boot straps and stop complaining and DO SOMETHING about your situation! Your excuses are tiring.
I feel SO sorry for your kids. I honestly wish I could come get them and give them the love they deserve. If you don't recognize this I hope someone else does and can do something about it.
Proud Mommy of Cale, Cooper and Colter three wild boys!
Visit our Family at:
http://didyousaytriplets.blogspot.com
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sandsstone
Mon Apr-20-09 02:27 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
2139 posts
#417432, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
Mon Apr-20-09 02:39 PM by sandsstone
I just want to say...regardless of anything else. Your writing and ability to commuicate needs improvement. Your posts are always very confusing.
Susan
Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07
http://www.sandsstone.com
http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message
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MandieSue76
Tue Apr-21-09 05:13 PM
Member since Sep 09th 2008
951 posts
#417727, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 33
HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Mandie
Mom to:
Come visit us at:
http://www.morethanweexpected.com & http://mandiemonium.blogspot.com
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Rick-Carole
Tue Apr-21-09 07:50 AM
Member since Oct 30th 2008
129 posts
#417555, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
If anything good has come out of this thread..... it's seeing the incredible love and never-ceasing efforts each mom puts forth for her children, and would put forth in such a situation as described here.
Sadly, all except one.
Rick & Carole
BBG soon
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hardentriplets
Tue Apr-21-09 08:18 AM
Member since Feb 27th 2008
1500 posts
#417560, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
Everyone on here has said what you needed to hear, like always. I honestly feel like it's a waste to everyones time to even reply to your BS situations. There are some people in this world who love pity upon themselves, drama and pointing the finger to others. And your one of them. Unfortunatly your not just affecting yourself your affecting children. I haven't seen you on here in awhile, to be honest I though B was home and that was keeping you busy. I thought you had finally got your s**t together. Now reading this post makes my heart drop, you've not changed a bit (or ever will) and to hear that B in still in the hospital leaves me po'd.
I've got a question. Why hasn't the hospital noticed you for the kind of mother you are? Why hasn't eyebrows been raised that B still hasn't went home?
You say you want work for your insanity yet you also say that B can't come home until he has 24hr care. Your his mother, BE his care or let another family give him the love that child deserves and should've been getting a year and a half ago.
Will you reply? Probably not. We won't hear from you for a few weeks, maybe months then you'll come on here with yet another story.
*MAGGIE*
Visit our family~ http://hardentriplets.blogspot.com/
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LRB
Tue Apr-21-09 09:38 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1189 posts
#417579, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
First, you can't make a person be a dad OR a mom. It's been tried before and children end up neglected, abused, some end up in foster care, others end up dead.
Second, your job is to take care of the child already home and do whatever it takes, move heaven and earth, to get your son home. Period.
The rest of that chaos is smoke in mirrors.
Robin
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Agapi
Tue Apr-21-09 11:20 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
513 posts
#417599, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
This is my 2nd time replying to this thread!!! I couldn't shake the anger I felt when I went back and read your few responses to all of these wonderful women telling you to wake up, stop the job search, and get your baby Bren home!!!!
I think this response that your wrote bothers me the most:
"Therefore I have time to get a job while we wait for nursing and Bren can come home for visits."
WAIT for nursing and VISITS!! Are you serious!! That is OKAY with you?? Just to simply wait and get some visits. My Gosh, you said that he just lays in bed and "stares". Is it just me or what, but my heart can't let go of that image....SO SAD!! I hope you have read all of these reponses and have thought long and hard. I hope and pray you have put away all of your victim drama and have FINALLY started the process to get your baby home. HE DESERVES THAT!!
Agapi
Proud Mommy of
Kaden, Rowen, Kai
BGB 03-22-05
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cat_lover
Tue Apr-21-09 01:44 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
637 posts
#417648, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
I just realized that this baby is 1.5 yrs old - all along I'm thinking he's a newborn ... WOW!
Forget trying to make dad be a dad - kick him to the curb and make your children YOUR priority, not HIM. It's been 1 1/2 years and dad STILL has not stepped up to the plate? Take charge of your own life, your own children and get rid of this loser.
http://raisingtripletsinhighstyle.blogspot.com/
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joy of three
Tue Apr-21-09 04:12 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
319 posts
#417714, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 0
MY BABY IS DEAD. i would do ANYTHING to have her here. ANYTHING.
that being said, i used to have a job that a grown, successful man would be jealous of. i have a graduate degree. taking care of three 4y/olds drives me bat-sh!t crazy...but i would never leave them with someone else to go back to work.
THAT being said, i went back to thinking that even though being a mother is really, really, REALLY hard and i would LOVE to go back to work, MY FOURTH BABY IS DEAD....and i would STILL DO ANYTHING TO HAVE HER ADD TO MY BAT-SH!T CRAZINESS.
then i thought, maybe if YOU realized that some babies aren't even here to hold and love, you would see..........THEN I REALIZED, YOU DO KNOW. one of your babies is dead, too. and yet, YET, your third is up in a hospital and you want to WORK SOOOOOO BAD?!?!?
i am ashamed to be writing this, but you MAKE ME SICK.
Joy- mama to
boy, 3lbs 15oz
girl, 4lbs
girl, 4lbs 1oz
at 32+ weeks on Jan 22, 2005
and our baby girl, stillborn at 40 weeks on Sept 9, 2007
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LolasLadies
Tue Apr-21-09 05:16 PM
Member since Nov 05th 2007
1728 posts
#417729, "RE: I want to WORK sooo Bad."
In response to Reply # 39
Joy, you made me ache just reading this. I am so so sorry for the loss of your baby.
Loren
GGG Jan.2005 @ 28wks
Sweetened Taters - http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com
Everything but the Kids - http://ebtk.activeboard.com
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