Oct 24 2007 Giving one triplet away

Subject: "Planning to give one child out of my set of triplets f..." Previous topic | Next topic


confusedmom
Wed Oct-24-07 09:19 PM
Member since Sep 26th 2007
7 posts


#307153, "Planning to give one child out of my set of triplets f..."
Wed Oct-24-07 09:20 PM by confusedmom

Hi all,
I am 16 weeks, 3 days pregnant with triplets. I already have a boy who is 3 years old. My husband and I have been seriously thinking of giving away one of our triplets for adoption to my husbands elder brother and his wife who have been trying to conceive since more than the past 10 years without any luck at all. The child will be in the extended family and will have very loving parents who are in a good position to be good parents and it will bring a totally positive change in the life of the new parents. What do you think about this? Do triplets have a bond that shouldnt be broken? Do you anticipate any other problems in this? I know its not easy to part with any of your children but it hurts when I see their life yearning for a child. Moreover, we had planned only for one more child and I feel that God is giving me more than we desired so that we can spread this happiness in someone elses life too. Please give me honest advice since all you moms here are much more experienced than me.
Thanks

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Replies to this topic


RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Nick G, Oct 24th 2007, #1
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Jess, Oct 26th 2007, #87
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Triplethefun04, Oct 24th 2007, #2
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., shamanda, Oct 24th 2007, #3
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., CarolynsBabies, Oct 24th 2007, #4
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., 3petes, Oct 24th 2007, #5
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., becca p, Oct 24th 2007, #6
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., azwallace, Oct 24th 2007, #7
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Laurene, Oct 24th 2007, #8
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., foreveramom, Oct 24th 2007, #9
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., atkindred, Oct 24th 2007, #10
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Mimi21866, Oct 26th 2007, #84
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., foreveramom, Oct 24th 2007, #11
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Triplethefun04, Oct 24th 2007, #12
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., 3petes, Oct 24th 2007, #13
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., jandmwhitchurch, Oct 25th 2007, #38
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., RoseMarie, Oct 25th 2007, #41
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., madmolly, Oct 24th 2007, #14
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., 3petes, Oct 24th 2007, #16
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., foreveramom, Oct 24th 2007, #17
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., icera214, Oct 24th 2007, #15
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Wiltrip5, Oct 24th 2007, #18
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., madmolly, Oct 24th 2007, #20
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., kathysyd, Oct 24th 2007, #19
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., angrae77, Oct 24th 2007, #21
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., cyanskye, Oct 24th 2007, #22
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., HOWMANY, Oct 24th 2007, #23
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., azwallace, Oct 24th 2007, #24
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Mamakitten3, Oct 24th 2007, #25
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., MSTAR, Oct 24th 2007, #26
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., 6_olive_shoots, Oct 25th 2007, #39
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Catherine, Oct 24th 2007, #27
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., lovemy5boys, Oct 24th 2007, #28
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Dani257969, Oct 24th 2007, #29
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., MargieInAZ, Oct 25th 2007, #30
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., tripplefun, Oct 25th 2007, #31
THIS HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE, TripleScoop, Oct 25th 2007, #32
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Elizabeth_1975, Oct 25th 2007, #33
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., jonib, Oct 25th 2007, #34
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., kylamel, Oct 25th 2007, #35
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Derys, Oct 25th 2007, #36
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Grandma28, Oct 25th 2007, #37
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., amlink, Oct 25th 2007, #40
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., roundtwo, Oct 25th 2007, #42
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Jbrooke, Oct 25th 2007, #43
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Party of 5, Oct 25th 2007, #60
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., nobleheart, Oct 25th 2007, #44
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., morethemerrier, Oct 25th 2007, #55
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Wiltrip5, Oct 25th 2007, #64
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., madmolly, Oct 25th 2007, #71
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., LRB, Oct 26th 2007, #80
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., LolasLadies, Oct 26th 2007, #86
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., madmolly, Oct 26th 2007, #88
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., LolasLadies, Oct 26th 2007, #89
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., confusedmom, Oct 25th 2007, #45
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., sandsstone, Oct 25th 2007, #77
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., JulieETM, Oct 25th 2007, #46
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., kkc1025, Oct 25th 2007, #47
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., zink, Oct 25th 2007, #48
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., NCtripmom, Oct 25th 2007, #49
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Rosemarie3, Oct 25th 2007, #50
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., angeliagg, Oct 25th 2007, #51
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., min71, Oct 25th 2007, #52
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., CarolynsBabies, Oct 25th 2007, #53
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Towson Trio, Oct 25th 2007, #54
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., littlebeachem, Oct 25th 2007, #57
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., jonib, Oct 25th 2007, #56
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Courtsport, Oct 25th 2007, #58
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Sister Ray, Oct 25th 2007, #59
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., littlebeachem, Oct 25th 2007, #61
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Tasha, Oct 25th 2007, #62
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., madmolly, Oct 25th 2007, #70
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Agapi, Oct 25th 2007, #63
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., beaandmy3, Oct 25th 2007, #72
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Agapi, Oct 26th 2007, #85
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., WAtriplets, Oct 25th 2007, #65
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., ash, Oct 25th 2007, #66
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., carebears3, Oct 25th 2007, #67
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., 7mozzas, Oct 25th 2007, #68
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., beaandmy3, Oct 25th 2007, #69
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., blessings3, Oct 25th 2007, #73
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., momtobbg, Oct 25th 2007, #74
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., kg96nurse, Oct 25th 2007, #75
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., Nick G, Oct 25th 2007, #76
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., curlygwen, Oct 25th 2007, #78
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., 6_olive_shoots, Oct 26th 2007, #79
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., nobleheart, Oct 26th 2007, #81
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., rugbymom, Oct 26th 2007, #82
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., ejhjbh92, Oct 26th 2007, #83
RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..., 4kds4me, Oct 26th 2007, #90



Nick G
Wed Oct-24-07 09:28 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
726 posts


#307155, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Oct-24-07 09:35 PM by Nick G

Tough subject. I'm thinking that, regardless of the way this could all work out, there will come a time when the one that was "given away" will wonder, "Why me?"

You mention God, so I assume you consider His hand in this. God may have given more than you desired, but He is not about giving us what we want. He's about giving us what we need.

Did you ever think maybe your relatives can't concieve for a reason that God has in mind also?

I also think this would be sacrificing the child's emotional well being for the fullfilment of two adults, which isn't a tradeoff that I, personaly, would make.
Husband to Tammie
Father of Samantha Nicole, Kayla Shea , and Dominic Paul born on 10/14/02
Step-father to Kristina Nicole born on 09/24/85
Grandfather to Riley Faith born on 5/13/06
Come and see us at http://mywebpages.comcast.net/babies3/index.htm

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Jess
Fri Oct-26-07 01:26 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
197 posts


#307494, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 1

I will not be responding to the original post, but your comment caught my eye...are you saying that people have difficulty conceiving because that is the way "God" wants it? Just curious if I'm understanding you correctly.
Jess
GGG 12/8/03

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Triplethefun04
Wed Oct-24-07 09:31 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
285 posts


#307156, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I have to say that with your previous post on selective reduction and now your post on giving one of your triplets away...I think you are in the wrong place for advice and support...Maybe find a forum for adoption would be better suited for you and your questions...

Just my opinion...

Michelle
(formerly known as bsebllmom9 )
Tyler 16.5
Steph 14.5
Ayden, Ryley & Dylan 2.5 years!



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





shamanda
Wed Oct-24-07 09:32 PM
Member since Aug 27th 2007
40 posts


#307157, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I think you're just setting yourself up for problems down the road with resentment and feelings of abandonment for the one you "give away." I'd put yourself in a child's shoes and think about how you'd feel if you were given away by your parents (remember, children won't think of it as a selfless act of love), and also how you'd feel being one of the two that you keep, and wonder why your parents gave away your triplet sibling. In my personal opinion, it's not a good idea, though it was kind of you to think of helping your brother in law.
*Amanda
Mom to Paige, Levi, & ^Spencer^
Born 9/19/07 @ 29.6 weeks

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





CarolynsBabies
Wed Oct-24-07 09:34 PM
Member since Mar 19th 2006
470 posts


#307159, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

Are you for real?

Is it April 1st somewhere?
Carolyn
GGB @ 31.6 wks
7/13/06
Liz ~ 3lb 10oz
Erin ~ 3lb 12oz
Thomas ~ 3lb 1oz

Ava 7-16-04
Elle 7-19-02
www.bouncinbaby.net

http://lilypie.com>

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





3petes
Wed Oct-24-07 09:38 PM
Member since May 05th 2007
565 posts


#307161, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Oct-24-07 09:45 PM by 3petes

I hate to say it but your user name couldn't be more perfect. I admire that you want to help someone, but your real reasons are actually quite selfish, you didn't want three, you wanted one. What if you didn't have a family member with this fertility problem? What would be your solution then? I know I am being judgmental but you brought it up......Don't confuse God's love, with your selfish behavior.

Make everyday a triplet day!

Jamye

Princesses in Training ~ Lydia, Jennifer, and Taryn


http://www.babysites.com/sites/3petes/




Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





becca p
Wed Oct-24-07 09:39 PM
Member since Feb 13th 2006
499 posts


#307162, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I can't imagine the situation that you are in, but I can't imagine my life without one of my kiddos. I have a 10 year old son and 14 month old girls. I honestly think the decision is up to you, but there will always be one child that wonders why they didn't remain with their siblings. That is just my opinion. I hope that God leads you on the right path. I understand the part about feeling sorry for your family members that can't have children of their own, we had problems conceiving and ended up doing IVF to get our girls. I understand the pain of wanting children and having problems. I just don't know that separating triplets is the best decision. But it is yours, not mine. I just know that I could never do it.

Becca







Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





azwallace
Wed Oct-24-07 09:48 PM
Member since May 22nd 2007
811 posts


#307165, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I actually had someone ask me while I was pregnant if I was considering doing this. No way jose. I thought she was a little strange for asking. I find the thought of picking one to "give away" odd.
Stephanie

Mama to Beautiful Quads
Born October 12, 2005
30 weeks, 5 days

and ^Angel Baby^ 1/05



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Laurene
Wed Oct-24-07 09:53 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
2316 posts


#307167, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 7

I probably have a weird take on this but I think of them as a set...they go together....they belong together...they make each other who they are...they need each other. Does that any sense? I too think the one that was given away would have deep issues later - and the ones left behind may have issues too from the whole odd situation.
Laurene- Proud mother of six:
Janis 26
Jessica 24
Jeremiah 22



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





foreveramom
Wed Oct-24-07 09:55 PM
Member since Jan 30th 2006
872 posts


#307169, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I just can't even imagine that this is a real post by someone with a legitimate concern. If it is, many pardons, but as someone previously posted, you are on the wrong board for support in this matter. All of us have chosen to keep our trio, or through no choice we'd have made, counted ourselves blessed to still have the survivors.
Mom of: Kristi(21), Kevin(18), Kelli(16), Angus(4) and GGB - Ruca, Nadia and Max (2) Born 10-14-04 at 34 weeks.
www.angusandthetriplets.com

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





atkindred
Wed Oct-24-07 09:56 PM
Member since Feb 03rd 2006
213 posts


#307170, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

It sounds like you should give all three of them up for adoption.
Grateful mother of five:
B 8/02
B 9/03
spontaneous GBG 3/06 at 35 weeks

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Mimi21866
Fri Oct-26-07 11:12 AM
Member since Oct 10th 2006
123 posts


#307467, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 10

>It sounds like you should give all three of them up for
>adoption.

This was the best response yet. I am horrified over this post, I am absolutely sick to my stomach over this, just to think that a mother would actually do this to a child. It's heartbreaking. Please give them all up for adoption to a real loving family and maybe buy a pet. I think that would suit your needs better.
Mimi

Justine(2#9oz)
Herbie(2#12oz)
Kelly(2#11oz)

Born on 3/26/2007 @ 29wks6days



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





foreveramom
Wed Oct-24-07 09:58 PM
Member since Jan 30th 2006
872 posts


#307171, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

DH wanted to add, wait until about six months after your trio arrives and decide which one is the pain in the a$$ and then hoist that one off on your relatives. (This is just some offbeat humor, folks.)
Mom of: Kristi(21), Kevin(18), Kelli(16), Angus(4) and GGB - Ruca, Nadia and Max (2) Born 10-14-04 at 34 weeks.
www.angusandthetriplets.com

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Triplethefun04
Wed Oct-24-07 10:00 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
285 posts


#307172, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 11



Michelle
(formerly known as bsebllmom9 )
Tyler 16.5
Steph 14.5
Ayden, Ryley & Dylan 2.5 years!



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





3petes
Wed Oct-24-07 10:05 PM
Member since May 05th 2007
565 posts


#307174, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 11

Sounds like my DH, but he would have been serious at that age....(LMAO).

Make everyday a triplet day!

Jamye

Princesses in Training ~ Lydia, Jennifer, and Taryn


http://www.babysites.com/sites/3petes/




Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





jandmwhitchurch
Thu Oct-25-07 07:30 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
483 posts


#307221, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 11

that could have been a different child everyday at my house!
Misty
Abigail 2 lbs 14 oz
Katie 3 lbs 1 oz
James 3 lbs 6 oz
born 11/10/05
30w 5d

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





RoseMarie
Thu Oct-25-07 08:00 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1779 posts


#307228, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 11

the one that would have been given away would have been returned the very next day.

lovely girl but a true PITA at times...
RoseMarie
mom to the Hooligans 12/21/98



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





madmolly
Wed Oct-24-07 10:06 PM
Member since Oct 07th 2005
1733 posts


#307176, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Oct-24-07 10:18 PM by madmolly

Ummm....nevermind. Clearly, I am way to emotional about this topic to post appropriately.
Lea

BGG 28.3 weekers

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





3petes
Wed Oct-24-07 10:22 PM
Member since May 05th 2007
565 posts


#307181, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 14
Wed Oct-24-07 10:24 PM by 3petes

I think your response was very eloquent, to the point, and showed exactly the feelings that you have, as well, as what this depraved individual will feel when the adoptee is older and can understand the decision that was made on his/her behalf. So that he/she can reject the mother as simply as tossing aside a used piece of furniture. GO AHEAD AND PUT YOUR POST BACK!!!! The little one needs a voice, and yours is the most poignant (sp).

Make everyday a triplet day!

Jamye

Princesses in Training ~ Lydia, Jennifer, and Taryn


http://www.babysites.com/sites/3petes/




Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





foreveramom
Wed Oct-24-07 10:30 PM
Member since Jan 30th 2006
872 posts


#307184, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 14

OMG, Lea. Put it back. C'mon. Well-written, on-point. Great post.
Mom of: Kristi(21), Kevin(18), Kelli(16), Angus(4) and GGB - Ruca, Nadia and Max (2) Born 10-14-04 at 34 weeks.
www.angusandthetriplets.com

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





icera214
Wed Oct-24-07 10:07 PM
Member since Feb 05th 2007
20 posts


#307177, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

Wow. Sorry if I am not being friendly or politically correct in my response but I hope that pregnancy hormones are clouding your common sense. I'm not sure what kind of response you are looking to get considering you are posting this on a forum of triplet+ parents. I wish you luck finding an appropriate forum to help you quantify what seems to be your quest in finding justification for thinly veiled selfishness in regards to being given more than you "desired".
Joselle

Dominic, Aspen and Ryan - 5/8/06 29w3d

"

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Wiltrip5
Wed Oct-24-07 10:37 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
257 posts


#307185, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

When I read this, my first response was..."WHAT???". You've GOT to be kidding. If this is for real, then I agree you will have a hard time finding support on this board. I know my opinions are a bit slanted, having been through 13+ years of infertility before finally conceiving my 3 blessings. The idea, no matter how overwelmed I felt (and I did feel overwelmed), would have been unthinkable.

But I am also speaking as an adoptive mom. My 2 oldest children are adopted. They were very much desired and wanted and prayed for and longed for for many years. I have a problem with the term 'give away", like giving away a free kitten. I have always stressed to my children they were not given away or discarded, but rather placed in our home and given a chance at a (hopefully) better life due to circumstances that were no fault of their own. It was an unselfish act of love, and I believe part of God's plan for their lives and for ours. But they were singletons. An adopted child is never an unwanted child, and while obviously your inlaws 'want' a child, this would ultimately lead to a myriad of problems down the road. Not only for the children, all of them, but for the extended family. You say you have supportive extended family, let them be supportive then as you raise your children God has given you. If you and your dh absolutely feel you cannot handle this situation, then place them all for adoption. They belong together. While they are individuals, they complete one another in many ways that we, as singletons, cannot even begin to fathom.

And in the terms of adoption, many adopted children, not all, struggle with feelings of resentment and question "why". Some handle it quite well and come to terms with it easily with minimal or no issues, but many have that nagging question well into adulthood. To be an adopted child can be difficult sometimes, no matter how loving a home you are in, but think about how it would feel to be adopted knowing you were part of a set of triplets and your birth parents kept 2 of your siblings and not you? That just seems cruel in my opinion. And to still be within the same family? I'm sorry, but this is just wrong IMO.

Please think long and hard about this and seek much guidance and advice - legally, morally, ethically, and spiritually.

I normally don't chime in on a lot of "issues" on this board, but I feel so strongly about this from my experiences, that I had to say my piece. This is a complicated issue with many serious ramifications for many people, not just in the immediate time, but for many years down the road. Just my two cents.



Wiltrip Mom with 5
2 teens & BBG - school age and easier than the teens!

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





madmolly
Wed Oct-24-07 10:50 PM
Member since Oct 07th 2005
1733 posts


#307187, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 18

If you were to ask any of my close friends, or even my family, they would all tell you that I harbor no ill feelings about my adoption and that I am thankful each day that the woman who gave me away had the courage to give me a better life.

While that is accurate, nothing compares to the feelings endured when facing that lost family as an adult. I could not have been adopted by a more loving, giving, supportive family. Yet, the idea that I was originally unwanted, that I was cast aside...well, that feeling doesn't go away. Even when peace is made.

There are life long consequences that result from the relinquishment of a child. Some are simply more visable than others, even amoungst those who are close to us.
Lea

BGG 28.3 weekers

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





kathysyd
Wed Oct-24-07 10:39 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
848 posts


#307186, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I'm finding it hard to believe that this post is for real. But if by chance you are real and serious, I can't believe you would choose to give away one of those babies. When you have multiples and are out in public, people approach you all the time. When you are asked are they twins? are you up for always having to say, "No, they were triplets but we gave one away."

My triplets are all very close. There is a bond between them that I believe was there from the beginning. I just ran this by my triplet son and he said that you don't break up a set of triplets for any reason. He feels that a person who would do this is being very selfish.
mom to:
Ryan 26 The Lawyer!!!!!
Jason 25 The college grad
Chris 25 The New Homeowner
Tim 25 The college grad

I love hearing their versions of their childhood memories!!

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





angrae77
Wed Oct-24-07 10:55 PM
Member since Jan 12th 2006
519 posts


#307189, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 19

I too am not sure this post is for real. If so, it truely saddens me. I agree w/the pp that there are a set, they belong together. I can not imagine not having any one of my boys. The are so close and they love for each other is so amazing and nothing in life compares. This is making me way too emotional. Separting them in my opinion should never be an option.


Angela
Mother to 3 not-so-little monkeys
Jaxon, Jagger, and Jordan 9/18/05


Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





cyanskye
Wed Oct-24-07 11:05 PM
Member since Jun 25th 2007
239 posts


#307192, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

* What do you think about this?

I think it's weird. Have they actually asked you for one of your babies?

* Do triplets have a bond that shouldn't be broken?

I don't know yet since I am not a multiple and my kids are still too young to tell me.

* Do you anticipate any other problems in this?

Plenty.

Assuming you are for real, why don't you get your BIL and his wife involved in raising your kids, if that is what they want too. They can be a doting uncle and aunt. I wouldn't separate triplets.
Claudia

BGB 8/27/2005 @ 34 weeks

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





HOWMANY
Wed Oct-24-07 11:10 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
958 posts


#307194, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I'm just floored by what I just read. Never in all my time here on TC have I read something that made me want the mods to pull a post.

If your are for real my first thing would be to tell you I think you need to be on some medication as your not thinking clearly or rational. (oh I feel the flames coming)

Second if you truly want to bless these family memebers and you didn't "plan" on having triplets ( BTW..NO ONE PLANS IT!)then why not adopt ALL three to your BIL & SIL?

Better yet adopt all three to a NON- family memeber. Your just making a screwed up family dynamic that is going to back fire and tare entire extended family apart.

Then you can go back and pray to God for a singleton. I hope and pray he does not answer this prayer for you.


Amy
Wife to Jason(pixelpusher)
Mom to Gwynne, Connor, Chloe 11/03/03
25wks 1day

www.caringbridge.org/visit/connorferris

http://lilypie.com>

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





azwallace
Wed Oct-24-07 11:11 PM
Member since May 22nd 2007
811 posts


#307195, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I wanted to add, if you posted about selective reduction and now about giving one away, it sounds to me like you just don't want all of them and that is just sad...very sad.
Stephanie

Mama to Beautiful Quads
Born October 12, 2005
30 weeks, 5 days

and ^Angel Baby^ 1/05



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Mamakitten3
Wed Oct-24-07 11:14 PM
Member since May 29th 2006
613 posts


#307198, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

If this post is for *REAL* then you need to seek the guidance and advice from a lawyer, adoption agency, clergy, people you know IRL. I cant imagine asking such a difficult question to a bunch of strangers.

Adoption is an amazing and beautiful selfless act on the both parties BUT I hope you save up not only for college,weddings and lots and lots of THERAPY!


Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





MSTAR
Wed Oct-24-07 11:36 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1219 posts


#307202, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I haven't had time to read all the other posts, but I did read and respond to your selective reduction post a week or so ago. I have to wonder if you are even for real or why you continue posting on a triplet board? Did it not occur to you that some might find your posts offensive, given the fact we all HAVE triplets?

I will possibly risk wasting my time in the event you are real, and tell you that my mother was the youngest of three girls. Her mother died when she was 18 months and her father was not able to care for so many young children on his own. Her grandmother adopted her and her father kept the other two. My mother was spoiled and loved beyond anyone's wildest imagination. Yet she lived the entirety of her short life feeling unworthy and abandoned by her father and the siblings she knew she had yet never really knew. She lived as an only child, knowing she had two sisters and other half siblings as her father eventually remarried. She never got over that and never understood why she was left behind.

So I think you would be doing a horrible injustice by adopting this child out in your own family to be an only child, when this child belongs to YOU and his/her siblings. I'm really not sure why you are already into your pregnancy 16 weeks and are still so completely lost. I would consider giving ALL of them to your relatives, so they can grow up together in a loving home with people who want them.

Or go get some counseling and get a grip on your life. This is your reality, so suck it up and make the best of it. You can't control everything. This is your first lesson.
Michele
Sarah, Gregory, Amanda
born 1/22/04 at 35w1d

Our surprise baby Austin born 06/15/2005

www.fourtimesthefun.blogspot.com

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





6_olive_shoots
Thu Oct-25-07 07:31 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
342 posts


#307222, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 26
Thu Oct-25-07 07:45 AM by 6_olive_shoots

Almost that exact same scenario happened to my second cousin. Her mother died giving birth to her and her Dad already had 3 sons, so the aunt and uncle took her. She was raised as "one of the family" yet always knowing she really wasn't. Plus the feeling of inferiority that her Dad had given her away but kept his sons.

To the OP: I think adoption is a beautiful thing, in general. Maybe your motives really are true and for that reason I am taking the time to answer...

My triplets are 6 and I do believe they have had a special bond since birth. Just watching them curl up together as infants, as if still in the womb, is proof enough for me. I have read stories on here of how the others grieve when one triplet passes away in infancy.

ANd have you possibly missed all the documentaries on TV about twins who were separated at birth and didn't even KNOW they were a twin? About how they always had feelings of loss and that there was someone else out there, sometimes spending their entire adult lives searching? How do you think this will work within the same family? It WON'T, is how.

In your SR post, you said:

" i think God has a purpose behind giving me these precious gems and i want to cherish them."

If you're for real I admire you thinking about giving the child up rather than killing it, that's really the only plus side I can think of here. I applaud you for thinking of your family members who can't conceive, but that's really not your problem. I do believe your motives are more selfish (ie you don't want all these kids) rather than selfless concern for anyone else, whatever you say to try to justify it. But the main thing is it will cause more problems than it's worth - for ALL concerned. If you truly want to cherish them, keep them together, either in your household or someone who truly wants them.

I hope you seriously consider just being thankful for what you have. That's what the rest of us did. Get some help!
Kari S.

Mom to BBB 16, 13, 9
BBG 9/25/01

My story of nursing triplets http://triplestuff.blogspot.com/2007/10/although-my-triplets-are-now-six-years.html

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Catherine
Wed Oct-24-07 11:48 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
300 posts


#307203, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I have a close friend (now 40) who was the last born in her family. Her parents did just what you are thinking about doing. She is very well-adjusted about the whole thing. She sees her birth family sometimes but considers her adoptive parents (actually her aunt and uncle) to be her real parents.

However, we don't live in the US. In the US, doing such a thing would provoke a pretty negative reaction. It seems that different cultures do things differently.
"

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





lovemy5boys
Wed Oct-24-07 11:51 PM
Member since Nov 26th 2006
442 posts


#307205, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

Seriously??? My first thought was, how sad for that baby who will one day wonder why he was the "one"
proud mom to
DS 5
DS 2
BBB 9/29/06






www.juststopandthink.com

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Dani257969
Wed Oct-24-07 11:53 PM
Member since Apr 24th 2007
68 posts


#307206, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I can understand your desire to help your family. I just don't think that giving away one of your own children is the solution. I don't know what kind of fertility issues your brother and his wife have but if you feel so strongly about helping them, maybe you could be a surrogate for them in the future. Having triplets can be scary and overwhelming. I have a 2 1/2 year old and 5 1/2 year old (who is acting out majorly) in addition to my 10 week old babies. I broke my leg in May and can barely walk. My family and friends are unwilling to help out and I lost my job because I have been out of work too long. On my worst day I wouldn't trade these babies for all the money in the world. I am so in love with these babies that sometimes I wish there had been another one in there! I'm sure that when you hold your babies for the first time you won't even believe that this thought ever crossed your mind. Good luck.
Danielle

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





MargieInAZ
Thu Oct-25-07 12:26 AM
Member since Nov 26th 2006
42 posts


#307210, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Oct-25-07 12:29 AM by MargieInAZ

Believe it or not, when I got the shock that I was having triplets (as pp said, nobody ever PLANS on having triplets), my sister offered to adopt one of them. She and her husband have struggled for years with infertility and don't have any children.
This offer was unsolicited from me, although I did probably sound panicked when I told her the news. I was shocked that she would even ask me.
Yes, on thinking about it, it does sound like it would be more "practical" for everyone involved, but I can't even imagine the damage done emotionally to the baby who was given away. And also to the other babies. Can you imagine growing up, knowing that your parents had given you away while choosing to keep your siblings? It's just unimaginable.
I struggled with infertility too, and was so grateful to be pregnant at all. Yes, I was scared about the fact that it was triplets initially, but gradually you come to terms with it, and eventually (hopefully before you actually deliver) you're happy about it.
Now I see the bond my babies have even at this young age. I couldn't be happier, and I can't imagine only having two. Boooorrrrrringggggg...
I hope you either decide to keep all three, or adopt out all three.
Please don't seperate them - they don't deserve that just for your convenience.
Being a parent means that you do the best thing for your children, even if it creates a difficulty for you. As a pp said, suck it up and be their parent, and keep those kids together.
Margie, 43, single



GGG, Chloe, Brianna & Taylor
Born 3/6/07 at 30w1d



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





tripplefun
Thu Oct-25-07 01:01 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
954 posts


#307211, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I agree with icera, and many others, first, are you for real? I totally missed your response on the whole selective reduction post but if you were/are considering SR and now considering "giving" one of your triplets away i seriously think you need to talk to your doctor about your feeling and perhaps get on meds. I am sorry if all of these responses sound harsh to you but you cannot expect to come to a multiples site, with the majority of us having triplets and quads, and many members that lost one of their triplets, to be supportive. You asked for honest advice.

I think you are flippin crazy to give one of your triplets away, to a family member. Have you had a conversation with this family member/s that cannot have children about this? Is this your idea or theirs? I assume yours. What does your husband say about this? Is he and you happy that you are having triplets.

I understand that you are going through a tough time, weve all been there, and you are very hormonal(sorry couldnt think of the correct work i was looking for)

I truly believe that once your triplets have arrived and you see them, touch them, hold them regardless of how you feel now you will change your mind.

Yes raising multiples is not an easy road. Trust me, mine are 7 and some days i just want to run away but in all reality i would never do that.

I think u need to sit down, talk to DH and think and look at the big picture here.

Please please think this long and hard. I would say no don't do this.

Once your triplets have arrived i believe you will be fine. Yes it might strain your pocket book, you may have to give up some things but raising triplets and having an older child is absolutely do able. WE had no help at all, no nanny's no helpers, nothing and we made it.

Please read everyones responses and think about this and look at the big picture, 5,10 even 20 years down the road.
Sandy

mom to 4 kids
oldest is 18, and trio age 7

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





TripleScoop
Thu Oct-25-07 01:39 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1975 posts


#307212, "THIS HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE"
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Oct-25-07 01:41 AM by TripleScoop

I have a hard time believing that you are real and that anyone would actually consider such a thing. But, I watched a reunion story many years ago about a family that did the same thing that you are suggesting.

A family gave birth to triplets. 2 girls and a boy. The parents gave the boy up for adoption. He found out when he was a teenager and finally reunited with his siblings in his early 40's. Very interesting...he was on some talk show later and he spoke about his feelings of abandonment, anger, isolation, years of therapy and depression, etc...

He did not feel this due to the adoption itself. It was due to being the "chosen one" from a multiple birth to be given up . It was due to being seperated from his triplet sisters and being the unwanted one. His parents could not care for or afford all three. But, he had severe issues with being the one chosen to be given up.

This grown man cried tears on that show. It was heartwrenching and horrible to watch.

Before we adopted our triplets, the birth family suggested to social services that the kids be split up among the extended birth family. Not one family member could take all three but some could take only 1. Each child would be raised seperately but in the same family.

Social services said NO! Big fat NO! Siblings get split up all the time in adoptions or gaurdianships. But, the mere fact that they were triplets protected them from being split up in the SAME family.

Social services was willing to wait longer or search for a family out of state to adopt all three children. Then, they found us. Thank goodness they did.

Social services, the lawyer appointed to the children, and the judges, thought that split was not only a bad idea but detrimental to their well being.

I feel bad for your family members going through infertility issues. I deal with it still. But, the idea of giving them one of your babies because, heck, you have three, that is more than enough, why don't you just take one of mine, is a horrific way to view the worth of your children.

If you have a lot of cars and you want to donate them, great. An extra couch in the garage? Give it away. Heck! A rental property that is paid off? Let a family member live there for free. But, an extra baby? Ridiculous.

Why don't you give them a loan for infertility treatments or a loan to adopt a baby? Much more noble than treating your soon to given away baby as an extra piece of furniture just laying around.
BBB Triplets Born 2003

http://capturelifephoto.blogspot.com/

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Elizabeth_1975
Thu Oct-25-07 03:23 AM
Member since Oct 30th 2006
182 posts


#307214, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I too think this post is not real. How sick. Only someone without triplets would entertain the idea of giving one up! And even if it was real I still believe this is sick.
Elizabeth 32
Jason 34
IVF Babies G/G/B
Savannah,Sophia and Tristan
Born @ 35 weeks 03/27/07
4 1/2 lbs, 4 1/2 lbs and 5 lbs 4 oz



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





jonib
Thu Oct-25-07 04:48 AM
Member since Oct 11th 2005
690 posts


#307216, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

6 posts, name confused mom, selective reduction and adoption....if you are screwing with the well meaning people on this board shame on you.

If you are for real, get some professional help and stay away from message boards, it's not going to do you any good here and the help you need can only come from a professional.

If you are are 14 year old boy playing on the computer, we know how to find you and tell your mother!
Jonib
Abby, Andy and Caroline will be TWO Nov. 20th!!

Rhett turns 10 in December!

no, I can't get the lily pie to work

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





kylamel
Thu Oct-25-07 07:12 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1639 posts


#307218, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 34

WOW.. just wow! I agree with most of the previous posters.

Aside from how the feelings of the child given away, I would imagine you would eventually have feelings of regret. (If this is even a real "confusedmom")




Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Derys
Thu Oct-25-07 07:16 AM
Member since Apr 13th 2006
140 posts


#307219, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I could never separate my babies. If your BIL wants to adopt there are so many babies without parents that he can adopt.

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Grandma28
Thu Oct-25-07 07:20 AM
Member since Feb 03rd 2007
140 posts


#307220, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I read your post, read the responses and seriously considered not posting. Then I thought, hmmmmmm my dad adopted me, so I could give some input. First, since I was fortunate to have a loving home, I am all for adoption. That being said, I am concerned by your post. I would highly recommend some counseling. Someone that is "seriously considering giving away one of our triplets for adoption" needs to be sure of what they are doing. I am not judging you, I am not telling you what to do. We all have our personal preferences in life, and we should respect each others right to freedom. I am concerned about 1. your mental well being and 2. in my very humble opinion, that of your babies. Having multiples is stressful to say the least. If you are not ready to handle that, my concern is for the babies safety. Both physically and eventually mentally. This is such a personal choice, and what's right for one might be wrong for another. Ask yourself honestly if you can handle 3 babies.

The parents that post here have their hands full, but they sure do one helluva job!! (excuse my expression) They are loving parents that are often exhausted and frustrated, but always loving and giving. Can you do that with 3? I am just not sure from your post. Please take your time to get some counseling, and do what is right for ALL involved. This isn't just about the adults, those innocent children deserve a loving home. Remember, if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.

I wish you luck in your decision.

Grandma Barb

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





amlink
Thu Oct-25-07 07:58 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
604 posts


#307226, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

This is what you said 5 weeks ago...


Hi all!
I am 11 weeks pregnant with triplets and our perinatonologist told us about the options of managing triplets. to me, he seems to be quite pro- selective reduction. i have been facing an emotional upheaval since the past 3 weeks now. even if i think about doing away with one of these babies that i am carrying, i have strange nightmares and nights pass away like that. my heart is just not agrreing to it. on the other hand, the bad statistics that has been quoted by the peri and is even there on some websites frightens me about the survival rates and handicaps of triplets. now, i am meeting this doc tomorrow and have almost decided that i am not going for reduction. i think God has a purpose behind giving me these precious gems and i want to cherish them. am i doing the right thing? do most moms of multiples go through these and a lot more fears? i need some help.

GGG born 9/3/05 at 35w3d

http://lilypie.com>

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





roundtwo
Thu Oct-25-07 08:11 AM
Member since Oct 01st 2006
54 posts


#307229, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I don't think it is a good idea to separate multiples. I see many years of counseling for your poor children if you do. If you are truely not prepared for triplets maybe a more caring option would be to give all three to someone who is willing to take on this adventure. Just the thought of separating one makes me sick to my stomach.
Jennifer
GBG 2/20/2007
@29 weeks

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Jbrooke
Thu Oct-25-07 08:24 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1092 posts


#307230, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I'm almost POSITIVE that you've lost your mind.

If for some reason you are truly serious, and want a serious answer from us, I'll keep mine to myself b/c honestly you DO NOT want to hear what the heck I have to say.

I've got triplets AND twins. They are only 13 months apart in age, clearly I'm on the other side of your fence.

Get some help.
~Jessica~


Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Party of 5
Thu Oct-25-07 12:35 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1892 posts


#307277, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 43

Jessica,
What a beautiful photo of you and your children! You have a beautiful family, you are truly blessed.
Michel


Born 12/21/03



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





nobleheart
Thu Oct-25-07 08:41 AM
Member since Jul 30th 2007
70 posts


#307233, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Oct-25-07 08:46 AM by nobleheart

I am really sorry you have had a BITE YOUR HEAD OFF RESPONSE from board members...I quite understand how you feel. The thought also crossed my mind especially on bad days...but I just dont have the heart to part with any of my children, I feel inlove with them from the first ultrasound, and honestly I doubt you will be able to part with any once they are born.

As for God OH well as far as Im concerned might as well believe in Pinocchio and blame everything good or bad on him.(this might be an offensive comment but people don't think how irritating it might be to the free thinkers of the world to hear all the God fiction!



Ricky (b) 18 yr.
Avery (g) 13 yr.
Miranda(g) 11 yr.
Spontaneous Triplets Arrived Feb.1, 2007 33wks 4 days.
Maya 4 lbs 8 oz.
Miguel 4 lbs 13 oz.
Marisa 4 lbs 2 oz.



Attachment #1, (jpg file)

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





morethemerrier
Thu Oct-25-07 10:45 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1947 posts


#307257, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 44

Oh thank heaven (just a phrase, no God stuff here) I thought I was going to have to be the only one to admit that at a particularly dark point in my pregnancy I discussed with my sister the possibility of giving up 2 of my triplets for adoption. Of course I'm extremely extremely happy that I came out of that dark point and started looking forward to their birth. I was in a state of depression at the time, and the pregnancy created considerable emotional strain on my husband who simply could not envision a future with financial stability after we found out that we were expecting three. Fortunately, we both came to our senses.

Furthermore, I had two perinatologist who kept yammering at me that I was going to be lucky to get out of the pregnancy with one baby because the boys were most likely going to die because they were monoamniotic (turned out not to be true anyway) So neither my husband or I were "bonding" with the babies as they gestated. Every appointment was a just "get it over with and tell me that they died" kind of experience. No bonding + deep depression = total disassociation from your babies.

However, I would not have considered a family member, and most certainly would have demanded a closed adoption for the reasons that everyone here eloquently and not so eloquently has listed as reasons not to do it.
MTM - mom to Michael(84),Stephan(85), Thomas, Matthew and Kathryn - born 12/27/99 at 32w 0 days



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Wiltrip5
Thu Oct-25-07 01:16 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
257 posts


#307289, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 44

>As for God OH well as far as Im concerned might as well
>believe in Pinocchio and blame everything good or bad on
>him.(this might be an offensive comment but people don't think
>how irritating it might be to the free thinkers of the world
>to hear all the God fiction!


This is highly offensive to me, at least the way it is phrased. It is your right to be a free thinker, as you put it, but to minimalize and discredit so many with your term " all the God fiction" oversteps and offends.
You do, however, have a beautiful family, whether they were gifts from Pinnochio or the Creator.



Wiltrip Mom with 5
2 teens & BBG - school age and easier than the teens!

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





madmolly
Thu Oct-25-07 06:54 PM
Member since Oct 07th 2005
1733 posts


#307368, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 44

Belief in God = Belief in Pinocchio

Hummm....yeah, I can see where you're going with this. Clearly, that's the same. What?
Lea

BGG 28.3 weekers

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





LRB
Fri Oct-26-07 08:03 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
992 posts


#307434, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 44

To paraphrase something I heard once that stuck with me, "...We talk about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small lives trumps your opinion about whether or not He exists..."

Now, back to the regularly scheduled entertainment.

Robin

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





LolasLadies
Fri Oct-26-07 01:15 PM
Member since Apr 26th 2007
359 posts


#307491, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 80

FTR - whenever people discuss God as a reason for doing anything, I always think "that's your opinion, take it for what it's worth." When someone comes on here and says "I don't believe God has anything to do with it," people get all bent out of shape.

why does your opinion trump someone else's opinion? just because you say something is true doesn't necessarily make it so
Lola's GGG 28-weekers:
Whiner, Whiner Jr., and Whinerette

The world's least triplet-related triplet blog: http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





madmolly
Fri Oct-26-07 01:32 PM
Member since Oct 07th 2005
1733 posts


#307496, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 86

Just to clarify, I didn't get bent out of shape ‘cause someone expressed their lack of belief in God or His relevance to this particular situation. I got bent out of shape at the condescending comparison of God to Pinocchio.

Just as I don't think it is necessary to say that someone is going to hell for not believing in Christ as their savior, I also don't believe that one should ridicule another about their faith by likening that belief to the belief in a childish cartoon. It's insulting.

The statements about God in this thread were not intended to insult anyone, regardless of their beliefs. I do not believe the same can be said for the PP's comparison. It appears to be intentionally antagonistic, and therefore, unnecessary.
Lea

BGG 28.3 weekers

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





LolasLadies
Fri Oct-26-07 01:49 PM
Member since Apr 26th 2007
359 posts


#307500, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 88

Lea, I apologize for not being more specific.

I was addressing the comment directly above mine - I don't like the idea that anyone's opinion is more important than another person's. I agree that the Pinocchio comment wasn't the most tactful way to put it, but I see the PP's point as well.
Lola's GGG 28-weekers:
Whiner, Whiner Jr., and Whinerette

The world's least triplet-related triplet blog: http://sweetenedtaters.blogspot.com

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





confusedmom
Thu Oct-25-07 08:57 AM
Member since Sep 26th 2007
7 posts


#307237, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

Hi,
Thanks for your sincere responses. I hope these would help clear my clouded mind. About 4 weeks back, when my husband suggested this, i also felt the same way as most of you. But the more I thought about it and about my brother-in-law and his wife, I started feeling that this might be for the well being of both the child and them, even though it would be hard on me initially. I am sure when I get closer to delivering mine, and specially when I see them, I will never be able to decide whom to part with and the reason of parting would not really make sense. I am really sorry for the emotions of moms that I have hurt here. Thanks for responses once again.

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





sandsstone
Thu Oct-25-07 09:09 PM
Member since Jan 14th 2007
233 posts


#307395, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 45

My only thought on the subject is this

If the choice is between "reducing" one or more, or allowing those who would be reduced to be adopted instead... then by all means... let them be adopted.

Susan
Parent to GGG born 31 weeks 4 days 4/26/07
http://www.sandsstone.com/Triplets.htm



http://www.thedivinemercy.org/message

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





JulieETM
Thu Oct-25-07 09:12 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1398 posts


#307239, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Oct-25-07 09:18 AM by JulieETM

My gut reaction was: Are you saying they asked for a baby?
These two people shouldn't even considering this with you and you need your children together.

This child will always feel the why me. Why was I given away to make these two people "feel-better".

We have all suffered the financial strain of three babies at once. Looking at my children today... I could not pick one that I'd let my sister or brother raise...

Please understand I am not judging you and your husband. You asked for honest answers.

I say NO WAY! NO WAY NO WAY. You do not sacrafice (sp) a baby to give THEM pleasure. God has a plan for your brother-in-law and his wife... it is not one of your babies! You would ache for that baby all your life.


Julie
Mom to g,b,b (ETM)
and SUPRISE baby girl (K)

"Even the worst day with my children is better than a good day at work."

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





kkc1025
Thu Oct-25-07 09:26 AM
Member since Mar 22nd 2006
130 posts


#307242, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I'm sorry, but I am completely horrified....... I just don't even know what to say.
~Kerry
GGG born 06/30/06
33 weeks 2 days

www.marykay.com/kkconway

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





zink
Thu Oct-25-07 09:27 AM
Member since May 02nd 2006
8 posts


#307243, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Oct-25-07 09:30 AM by zink

We got more than we were planning for when my wife got pregnant with triplets. But we've dealt with it just fine.




~Dad to Lila, Olivia and Ava

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





NCtripmom
Thu Oct-25-07 09:46 AM
Member since Apr 03rd 2007
223 posts


#307245, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

Personally, I think you've lost your freikin mind. Flame me if you want.

I don't think anyone was anymore scared and confused than me when they found out they were having triplets, but not once could I even think of 'giving one away' to anyone! Not even to someone that has tried to conceive for a thousand years - not happening.

The fact that you can even discuss it really makes me doubt your validity. But on the off chance that you are for real - please see a counselor.

As for your questions:

*What do you think about this?* I think it is selfish and can only cause harm. How would you feel if you suddenly discovered you were actually a twin and your mom decided that she'd rather keep your sibling but just discarded you. Seriously.


*Do triplets have a bond that shouldnt be broken?* mmm YEAH! I don't think any siblings should ever be seperated. Family is family, you don't tear it apart.


*Do you anticipate any other problems in this?* That may be the understatment of the decade.

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Rosemarie3
Thu Oct-25-07 09:49 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1233 posts


#307247, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0



Please tell me you are joking. Do you have any idea what that will do to the child you give away, this is not a puppy you are talking about it is a baby, he or she has a brother or sister, maybe two of one and you are just going to give one away because you only planed on having one baby.

I do not recall trying to have triplets, I was blessed with triplets and there is no way in hell I could have given one away. If you want to help your family out then donate some eggs to them, but give away one of your children. Please tell me you are a troll.
BBG Triplets Born March 31, 2004
31 weeks three days
Douglas
Kalie and
John Michael

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





angeliagg
Thu Oct-25-07 10:11 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
717 posts


#307249, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I can't even fathom how many issues this would create for the remaining children you decided to keep, the one you decided you didn't want, and the rest of the family. Regardless of that, how would you decide which one wasn't a keeper? Which one would you say wasn't good enough to be your child and is better to just give away? Would it be based on looks? You keep the prettiest babies and the other one is given away? What if one of them is smaller and has more medical needs once born? Would that one be the unwanted one? Seriously, what criteria would you use to determine who you didn't want? I don't see how any mother could look at her 3 children and make a decision of which one she didn't want. I can't imagine the ramifications that would result to that poor child knowing that it's own mother choose them as the unwanted one.
GBB born Dec 27, 2005 at 31w4d

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





min71
Thu Oct-25-07 10:22 AM
Member since Aug 07th 2005
1183 posts


#307250, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

Being 8-1/2 mo preg with ONE baby at this moment I have strong homomones so excuse me if I offend you. If you are being serious, how would you ever decide which one to give to your relatives? How would you explain that to the remaining triplets? How would it be explained to the child who was separate? You aren't very far along and in a high risk pregnancy -- what if all your babies don't make it through the pregnancy or what one or more of them doesn't survive after they are born -- would you change your mind and take back the offer only to give them more heartbreak?

If you are serious, then why not consider being a surrgote for them after the triplet pregnancy. That way no matter what happens from conception, the baby/babies in that pregnancy will not be yours they will belong to your inlaws.

If you already have a child then you know once you grow those babies and give birth to them, you can't just give one or more away to relatives or anyone else? Seems an odd question that I don't believe I have ever seen on this forum before.

Maybe you need to talk to someone professionally to help you work through your feelings of this pregnancy.
Mindy



Addison, Ethan, and Caden were born at on 11/5/04 at 32w6d



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





CarolynsBabies
Thu Oct-25-07 10:26 AM
Member since Mar 19th 2006
470 posts


#307252, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

You should change your name from “ConfusedMom” to “ControversialMom”
Carolyn
GGB @ 31.6 wks
7/13/06
Liz ~ 3lb 10oz
Erin ~ 3lb 12oz
Thomas ~ 3lb 1oz

Ava 7-16-04
Elle 7-19-02
www.bouncinbaby.net

http://lilypie.com>

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Towson Trio
Thu Oct-25-07 10:40 AM
Member since Dec 04th 2006
144 posts


#307256, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I cannot believe what I just read... this has broken my heart over and over this morning... you just CAN NOT separate them.... please! They belong TOGETHER... ALWAYS!!!
Melitta

BGB born 2/24/07 at 32.1 weeks



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





littlebeachem
Thu Oct-25-07 11:00 AM
Member since Sep 21st 2007
20 posts


#307261, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 54

If you are seriously concered about your family not conceiving.....maybe you could be a seragant mother for them. Having triplets is a blessing.
Mommy to 4 boys!!!!

Aaron 10-13-1999

BBB Peyton,Micah,and Coby 08-15-2007

"

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





jonib
Thu Oct-25-07 10:49 AM
Member since Oct 11th 2005
690 posts


#307260, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I'm sorry...I"m sticking with faker or 15 year old kid...too controversial of a post each time...can't believe I got sucked in....won't happen again!
Jonib
Abby, Andy and Caroline will be TWO Nov. 20th!!

Rhett turns 10 in December!

no, I can't get the lily pie to work

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Courtsport
Thu Oct-25-07 11:31 AM
Member since Aug 15th 2006
169 posts


#307264, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I read this post last night right before I went to bed which was clearly a mistake. I couldn't get it off my mind it upset me so much. As someone else said, none of us planned to have triplets. They are human beings not a litter of puppies that were an accident, that you choose to keep a couple and give others away. If you are for real, do these precious lives a favor and give them all up for adoption so they can be together as they should and have a chance at a normal life. I may be able to understand your point of view a little more if you'd never had a baby. But I can't imagine even thinking this after already being a mother.


Courtney

GBG born 1/28/07 31 weeks, 6 days



Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Sister Ray
Thu Oct-25-07 11:41 AM
Member since Feb 20th 2006
8 posts


#307267, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

As an ID twin, I'm horrified by the mere thought. Yes, multiples have a special bond. No, do not separate them. I hope you are a faker, because I don't want to imagine someone legit thinking about this..
Join the multiple birth fakers group - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/multiplebirthfakers/

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





littlebeachem
Thu Oct-25-07 12:41 PM
Member since Sep 21st 2007
20 posts


#307280, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

If you are so concered about your BIL and sister having a child, you could be a seragant for them. Having triplets are a blessing. I cried when I read this. I couldn't imagine being "the one" chosen to be parted from my siblings. Think long and hard before you make any decisions.
Mommy to 4 boys!!!!

Aaron 10-13-1999

BBB Peyton,Micah,and Coby 08-15-2007

"

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Tasha
Thu Oct-25-07 12:53 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1436 posts


#307281, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I'm not sure I understand the intent of this post. I this really a decision that requires the opinion of complete strangers on the internet? Did you really expect responses like: "Oh what a great idea! You are so selfless to just give you child away like that. I wish I thought of that."

This just seem like one of those shock and aww posts looking for emotional responses like the selective reduction posts. Shall we now discuss if you children are natural or not? Or did I miss that already?
Tasha
Julia, Megan & Alex 7/00 at 30 weeks
Abby 12/02

Printer-friendly copy | Edit | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





madmolly
Thu Oct-25-07 06:47 PM
Member since Oct 07th 2005
1733 posts


#307366, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 62

"Shall we now discuss if you children are natural or not?"

LMAO!!! There is nothing right about that! LOL!!!
Lea

BGG 28.3 weekers

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Agapi
Thu Oct-25-07 12:56 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
327 posts


#307283, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

This has to be a true faker because there is no way a real mom can feel this way.

I find this to be a very sick thought and wish that the MODS would pull this post!

Even though this person finds humor in watching us post back about how sad this thought must be to separate the babies and the pleas of don't do it.....this thought of separating is just disturbing!

Agapi

Proud Mommy of
Kaden, Rowen, Kai
BGB 03-22-05

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





beaandmy3
Thu Oct-25-07 07:00 PM
Member since Sep 29th 2006
102 posts


#307371, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 63

Try to think out of the box. I personally chose not to follow this road, but again ,I can relate to her circumstances. So glad I did not choose to seperate - but I can see where she is coming from (Read post #70).

Gosh, I hope this poster is not a faker because I am somewhat standing up for what she is feeling. I will be SO mad if that is the case.
Bea
Mother to bbg (7/28/03)

Educate yourself on the growing number of children with Autism. Awareness Counts.

www.autismspeaks.org

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Agapi
Fri Oct-26-07 12:31 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
327 posts


#307483, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 72

Sorry, I can not "think outside of the box" on this one. This just does not make sense. Are you not reading the 99.9% of the replies to her about not separating and that this person is nuts/faking/bsing w/us?

Even if she isn't a faker and is carrying triplets.....which is even a sadder thought because she does actually feel this way...her separation question is still very disturbing to me. I do believe if on the off hand that she may not be faking, she consider giving up all 3 for adoption (to a very lovng and deserving home) if she can not handle them but KEEP THEM TOGETHER!!
Agapi

Proud Mommy of
Kaden, Rowen, Kai
BGB 03-22-05

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





WAtriplets
Thu Oct-25-07 01:20 PM
Member since Jun 19th 2007
19 posts


#307290, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I have to say that I don't even believe this is a real post. I can't imagine that anybody would even seriously pose such a question.

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





ash
Thu Oct-25-07 03:45 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
919 posts


#307339, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

This has to be joke - not a very funny one but come on! We are supposed to be talking about babies here - sounds more like finding a new home for a puppy.
BGB - Born December 2000

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





carebears3
Thu Oct-25-07 04:22 PM
Member since Jul 20th 2005
553 posts


#307346, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

Sorry everyone is so negative about your post. I understand your thinking and things are very different right now at 16 weeks as your babies get bigger your feelings might change so please don't say anything to your in-laws yet.

I live in Hawaii and it's not uncommon for family members to help out by giving their children to other family members. I even meet a family that separated all three of their triplets b/c it was hard on the family.

I thought about what Nick G said and thats true, the one given away "might" wonder why me but then if you explained that it was out of love who knows.

You should talk with your husband, pray, and go with your heart. My sil can't have any children of her own also but I could never ever give away one of my children it's just not in me.

I wish you the best.
Cheryl
Mommy to 5
Kyle (15)
Casey (12)
Tripz (born @ 36 weeks)


http://lilypie.com>

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





7mozzas
Thu Oct-25-07 05:32 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
1184 posts


#307357, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Oct-25-07 05:32 PM by 7mozzas

Hello,
I don't have an opinion, but I did want to tell you that I prersonally know of quadruplet parents that did temporarily give one quad to their extended family.
They went this route because they were overhwhelmed with raising 4 at once.
Eventually, when things calmed down, their child came back home.

This helped the parents out tremendously (I do believe the child had some needs- it's been a long time since this occurred).

*** In no way is this my opinion, this is simply a FYI***

7mozz

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





beaandmy3
Thu Oct-25-07 06:08 PM
Member since Sep 29th 2006
102 posts


#307360, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I think I am the first person who can actually relate. I have a sister who wanted this enormous family and was only able to conceive one child who survived. The rest were miscarried. I think 3-4 babies - one pregnancy was twins.

Anyway - my sister and I actually had this conversation when I found out I was pregnant with triplets. We are so close and I wanted to give her one of my blessing being I was actually going to be her surrogate before I found out that even I had fertility issues. We are so much alike.

We discussed this once and after our conversation, we both knew that it was not the right thing to do. In fact, we ended our conversation with "glad we have that out in the open". Frankly - we both could not live with the decision to split them. She is in Texas and I am in Illinois. She wanted all or nothing and I wanted all or nothing. Plain and simple.

Have you discussed this with your family? It seems like you may think that they are actually expecting you to offer - without even realizing. Put it out there and explain why you may think that this might not be a good thing. And/or - if you are truly willing to sacrifice - which I think is just amazing, then it's time for major discussion. There is a lot to think about. Will the child eventually know who his/her biological parents are?, will the child be kept in secrecy, who will probably eventually find out the truth? and then have such negative and remorse feeling towards everyone who is involved. You have to think about the child before you think of your dear family.

This is tough. Good luck with you decision and please keep me posted. Would love to hear the outcome. I am sure it will be happy - no matter which road you choose - just choose one that the child will not suffer any consequenses (being - have all your ducks in a row - there will be alot of explaining to do in the future) and choose with a content heart. Which can go either way.
Bea
Mother to bbg (7/28/03)

Educate yourself on the growing number of children with Autism. Awareness Counts.

www.autismspeaks.org

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





blessings3
Thu Oct-25-07 07:52 PM
Member since Aug 21st 2007
67 posts


#307381, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

HI

I understand your wanting to help your family. Its is hard to watch someone go through infertility when you know they want it so bad. I am a mom of triplets. I ask you to PLEASE Please think carefully about this. You have been given a precious gift. A gift of three babies to grow inside you until they take their journey into this world. They need you their mommy now and they will need you their mommy later. I am a big believer in not passing judgement until you have walked in someone's shoes but I know, I see what a special relationship and bond my kids have with each other and I would feel soooooooooo terrible for the emotional difficulties the one you would give up would go through. I am not saying your family wouldn't take great care and love the baby but it goes deeper than that. YOU were the one given this gift. I know the thought is overwhelming, 3 babies. But it is the most AMAZING journey. A wondourous journey that god has blessed you with. Again please reconsider. There are many babies in the world that need to be adopted if they want to go that route.

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





momtobbg
Thu Oct-25-07 08:02 PM
Member since Nov 26th 2005
162 posts


#307383, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I don't usually respond but I am thinking that this cannot be real. I am stunned to think that this would even cross a mothers mind, how in the h... would you "decide" which one to "give up".
As a previous poster said, you might need to go to another forum for an answer as we all here feel blessed to have our trios in our lives.
Mom to BBG

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





kg96nurse
Thu Oct-25-07 08:13 PM
Member since Oct 23rd 2006
366 posts


#307386, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

say what? what type of drugs are you taking?

karen
mom to ggg trips born4/5/07


Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Nick G
Thu Oct-25-07 08:40 PM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
726 posts


#307391, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

Instead of giving one, have you given any thought to rotating all three in and out of the families? This would really even out the emotional impact and give everyone the best of both worlds.
Husband to Tammie
Father of Samantha Nicole, Kayla Shea , and Dominic Paul born on 10/14/02
Step-father to Kristina Nicole born on 09/24/85
Grandfather to Riley Faith born on 5/13/06
Come and see us at http://mywebpages.comcast.net/babies3/index.htm

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





curlygwen
Thu Oct-25-07 09:32 PM
Member since Mar 19th 2007
167 posts


#307397, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I don't necessarily agree that once you have these babies, you will feel completely in love with them and everything will be okay. I think if you are having this much trouble coming to grips with your reality of triplets, you need to seek out some counseling to sort through your issues.

We have all been in your shoes- terrified of a high-risk pregnancy, possible complications for the babies, financial hardships, etc. etc. But the people on this board are proof that it is doable. Having said that, if you are so dead set against having 3 more children, I would worry about your ability to mother them appropriately. I think it would be a good idea for you and your husband to speak with a therapist.
Gwen and Zack

GGB born at 32 weeks, 4 days
Hayley 2 lbs., 5 oz.
Nolie 3 lbs., 4 oz.
Cole 3 lbs., 7 oz.

http://www.swiretriplets.com




Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





6_olive_shoots
Fri Oct-26-07 07:52 AM
Member since Jul 18th 2005
342 posts


#307428, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

I wrote this in a reply to another post and it may have gotten lost:

"My triplets are 6 and I do believe they have had a special bond since birth. Just watching them curl up together as infants, as if still in the womb, is proof enough for me. I have read stories on here of how the others grieve when one triplet passes away in infancy.

ANd have you possibly missed all the documentaries on TV about twins who were separated at birth and didn't even KNOW they were a twin? About how they always had feelings of loss and that there was someone else out there, sometimes spending their entire adult lives searching? How do you think this will work within the same family? It WON'T, is how.

In your SR post, you said:

" i think God has a purpose behind giving me these precious gems and i want to cherish them."

If you're for real I admire you thinking about giving the child up rather than killing it, that's really the only plus side I can think of here. I applaud you for thinking of your family members who can't conceive, but that's really not your problem. I do believe your motives are more selfish (ie you don't want all these kids) rather than selfless concern for anyone else, whatever you say to try to justify it. But the main thing is it will cause more problems than it's worth - for ALL concerned. If you truly want to cherish them, keep them together, either in your household or someone who truly wants them.

I hope you seriously consider just being thankful for what you have. That's what the rest of us did. Get some help!"

In thinking on this further I wanted to add some more thoughts.

I can relate to the overwhelmed feelings you have described. When I was pregnant, I absolutely could NOT think about how I would handle three babies. It was too overwhelming and I was afraid the stress of it would send me into labor! So I just didn't think of it. My Mom called Me Scarlet O'Hara, because I was always saying "I'll think about it tomorrow". So maybe this will help you. Just DON'T think about it. Don't let your hubby talk to you about it. You have been given these babies, whom you previously called "precious gems". Don't think about it and try to make any HUGE life changing decisions while you are pregnant. Let your hubby know that you WILL NOT consider anything major right now. I know he is not hormonal and he is worried about how you will handle things, but YOU just can't do it now, and he can't do it FOR you, you know? Your job RIGHT NOW is to bake these babies and get them all here healthy. Once the babies get here, you can go from there. But my answer to your questions remains the same -- I do believe they have a permanent bond that would be VERY harmful to break. I believe doing this within the family will be even MORE harmful in the long run. I believe if you do this, you will all end up regretting it. Even the adoptive parents!

Please note that even after their birth you WILL be hormonal and emotional. Probably more so than after your single birth. PLEASE just don't make permanent decisions rashly. Finances can always be adjusted -- we've all done it, and there's tons of advice on this board. Everything is doable, there's not a single problem you could come up with that someone on this board has not been through and can help with.
Kari S.

Mom to BBB 16, 13, 9
BBG 9/25/01

My story of nursing triplets http://triplestuff.blogspot.com/2007/10/although-my-triplets-are-now-six-years.html

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





nobleheart
Fri Oct-26-07 08:39 AM
Member since Jul 30th 2007
70 posts


#307440, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 79

Gr8 Reply!




Ricky (b) 18 yr.
Avery (g) 13 yr.
Miranda(g) 11 yr.
Spontaneous Triplets Arrived Feb.1, 2007 33wks 4 days.
Maya 4 lbs 8 oz.
Miguel 4 lbs 13 oz.
Marisa 4 lbs 2 oz.




Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





rugbymom
Fri Oct-26-07 10:28 AM
Member since Feb 01st 2007
39 posts


#307457, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

1. I think this post is BS

2. Don't all legal adoptions have to be approved by Family court and have to go in front of a judge? I'm wondering what a judge would have to say about this. I'm wondering if they would get Family and Youth Services involved in a case like this - maybe to an investigation into why someone would give away 1 baby, but keep 3 other kids.

3. Really, If you have an older son and are going to keep 2, keeping the 3rd baby isn't going to make it that much harder on you to take care of them. Giving one away isn't going to save you boatloads of money.

4. Another reason I think post is BS - You asked for "honest advice" from experienced moms. Well I think you heard what everyone had to say and then you post again that you are still thinking about it and will wait till you see them to make your decision. Which tells me that you really don't care what everyone's advice was. And that you are a little crazy.

Karen
BBG 7/3/07 34 weeks 2 days
http://lilypie.com>

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





ejhjbh92
Fri Oct-26-07 10:43 AM
Member since Jun 03rd 2007
6 posts


#307461, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

As most of the replies, OMG!!!!! Here is my honest opinion......

I am very disturbed by the fact that you even are pregnant. Do you not believe in contraception?! So, why are you pregnant?? Are you having the babies for them or for you?


There are many women out there who would LOVE to have a child (children) either on their own or with help, and here you are THINKING of seperating 3 babies because YOU CAN"T HANDLE IT!!! SHAME ON YOU and your family.

So, when the time comes for delivery think of how you will feel when you can't hold that child,or how you will feel knowing that your BIL & SIL are ENJOYING that precious baby.

On Nov. 6,2007 will mark the 8th year that I LOST one of my TWINS!!!! THERE is not a day that goes by that the surviving twin asks about his brother. THERE is not a day that goes by that I WISH I COULD HOLD HIM one more time.


I'm sorry if this has upset you or anyone else, but when something of a topic such as this is put here, you need to be prepared for anything to be said.


Mom of 4

11/17/1997
11/5/1999-TWIN A & B
4/5/2003

Angel above---11/6/1999 (Twin A)

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





4kds4me
Fri Oct-26-07 02:10 PM
Member since Mar 29th 2007
107 posts


#307502, "RE: Planning to give one child out of my set of triple..."
In response to Reply # 0

JMHO if you really are an expecting Mom of triplets, then you need to think long and hard, search your soul and seek counseling to guide you in your decision. There are just way too many factors in all of this to consider to make a hasty decision. This will affect your family's life forever.

If indeed you are a faker, then I hope you have provided your self with the attention and entertainment to fill your very empty and sorry life.

If you are for real, I apologize for the above statement and will pray for your family through this process and that everything happens as it should.

Gina
12yo G
9yo BGG

Printer-friendly copy | Reply | Reply with quote | Top





Top Triplet Talk Triplet Connection Multiple Questions topic #307153 Previous topic | Next topic